Heel Holland Bakt-talk #2
It’s that time again: every Sunday, we get to watch clumsy and flourishing home bakers in Heel Holland Bakt. From over-the-top signature challenges to the complicated technical challenge, I was glued to the screen from the very first minute. What exactly goes through my mind during an episode like that? I’ll write it down for you every week.
Last week, ten bakers were selected from no fewer than 500. So now we’re really getting started with three challenges in the tent, which is always my favorite part. You watch Idols for the live shows too, right? The theme is vintage, which I can totally get behind; things can never be too retro for me. During the signature challenge, I’m already hearing about mokkataart and apple pie, which sounds like music to my ears. I’m also hoping for lots and lots of pastry cream, my all-time favorite old-school sweet treat.
Vegan walnut cake?
Cas is absolutely my favorite, such a sweetheart, and now he’s making pear pie too. So delicious! When my mother was pregnant with me, she ate a slice of pear pie at Holtkamp every day, so pear pie is my favorite now. Oh, and he’s making Limburgse vlaai too—can we just let Cas win the whole show right now? And can Ahmed leave immediately, VEGAN walnut cake? No thanks. Butter, please!
By the way, last week I said Hanneke would be the most annoying person of the season, but I think it’s actually Ahmed. What a wet blanket with that sanctimonious voice. Casually stirring his caramel (with a spoon and fork?!) while Janny explicitly tells him not to. I don’t think he has all his ducks in a row. Ah, luckily there’s Cas’s cake—I’ve never seen anything so beautiful!
Never cherries again
Liesbeth is also a delightful Gooische girl, such a Willemijn. Could she bring me a piece of that strudel? My other favorite, Maroeska, also scores with her sachertorte kirsch, but with blackberries, which Janny finds even tastier. I’d love to have Liesbeth and Maroeska as surrogate mothers—what lovely ladies.
Apple dumplings for the technical challenge? My grandma never makes those for me, though they do look damn delicious. Let’s just quickly forget this challenge; all that curdled vanilla sauce is truly an eyesore. Ah yes, Ahmed is in last place. Hopefully he’ll be eliminated. For the showstopper, the bakers have to make an Advent calendar? Jesus, how difficult—what the fuck are you supposed to make? I sometimes make fun of the contestants a little, but I really couldn’t do this. I always think I can bake too, but as we speak I’m just eating super-simple banana bread.
Completely nuts
Jesus, Ahmed is such a slowpoke! His speculaas is spreading. “Can you do it again?” “Uhhh, yeeeeah, I can try.” Then do it, Ahmed! I think Janny is going completely nuts because of this dude too. In everyday life, does he also research the influence of oil on sea foam? WTF?
Sorry, but this fiddling around with decorations, cookies, and houses—I find it so impressive; I’d be absolutely terrible at this. Oh my god, the inside is falling completely out of Maroeska’s cake, what a sight! We’re supposed to find this funny, right? A bit like the people singing off-key on Idols, but I really can’t handle this. I want the world for my surrogate mother. She’s even put some kind of silver Christmas star on her ‘masterpiece’ that makes the whole thing even uglier. Poor sweetheart. Luckily, she’s spared and it’s Ahmed who leaves the tent. He keeps laughing creepily the whole time too, as if he’s a robot. Brrr, I won’t miss him next week. Sorry, Ahmed.
