Emma’s Food Annoyances: Zucchini
I eat often, a lot and with great pleasure, and then I quite regularly notice things. Often these are positive things, but it also frequently happens that something irritates me immensely. Whether that is justified or not, sometimes I just need to vent. That is why there is the Emma’s Food Annoyances column, this time featuring everyone’s favorite vegetable: zucchini.
I know, it may be a little excessive to get worked up about a vegetable, but I simply can’t help it. I think zucchini is the stupidest vegetable in the world and I don’t understand why people still eat it. And not in small quantities either; it seems as though every weekday meal includes cubes of fried zucchini. Get a grip!
Gentrified cucumber
To begin with, zucchini has no flavor; it’s a kind of gentrified cucumber. And at least a cucumber is refreshingly crisp and can therefore help balance out a heavy meal or hot weather. What does a zucchini have to offer? Whatever you do with it, it remains a musty, flavorless component of every meal.
Not preparing it properly
The biggest problem is that zucchini is usually not prepared properly at all. Most people cut it into cubes and stir-fry them, but those cubes almost always remain pale and firm. The only way to make a zucchini remotely edible is with a lot of heat, fat and patience. The one—and genuinely only—way I tolerate zucchini is when you cut it into very thin slices and grill them properly. It should be nicely browned on the outside and soft on the inside. Then season it with olive oil, salt and possibly lemon, anchovies or garlic. Then it’s somewhat okay, but if there are other things on the table, I’ll still go for those.
Really did try
And honestly, I’ve tried it so many times. Ottolenghi’s books are full of recipes featuring zucchini, and if it’s good enough for him, surely it should be good enough for me too, right? Zucchini baba ganoush, pasta with zucchini—I’ve made it all. Yet every recipe I try is a massive failure; I simply don’t understand how people enjoy this pointless product.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bk5GS0KH8Jj/
Never again
I’m writing this complaint shortly after making this recipe for marinated zucchini with hazelnuts and ricotta. In the photo it looks absolutely amazing: hazelnuts are my favorite, mint is my favorite, and for the occasion I even made my own ricotta. Could this be the dish that converts me? Nope. Everything around it is delicious, but I took two bites of the zucchini. Dis-gus-ting. Never again!
