You really can’t eat/drink these things after 30
It happened earlier this year: I turned thirty. I don’t feel a day older than 25, but there are still a few things I really can’t do anymore. Because at a certain age, you simply can’t be seen with these foods.
Tip: this is therefore the ideal age to start giving birth/getting someone pregnant. With a child by your side in the supermarket, you can still put all these things in your basket without shame. No one will know that you eat them yourself later.
Prince cookies
This one hurts, because how delicious are these chocolate cookies that always leave you with dirty fingers? Or what about a roll of Prince Mini Stars, which you always took with you for recess? Back in the day, when you were still allowed to bring sugar to school, that is.
Fruit yoghurt
Those little tubs with a kind of jam at the bottom that you still have to stir into the yoghurt yourself. Breaker with sunflower seeds for extra fibre, which you have to try to slurp out of that awkward packet. I hate to break it to you, but fruit yoghurt really is only for children.
Yogho!Yogho!
The drinkable version of fruit yoghurt. No matter how catchy the jingle for this fruit drink is, you really can’t be seen with it anymore.
Anything from a carton
This applies to anything you drink from a carton, by the way. Wicky, Fristi, Chocomel. The moment you drink something from a carton, no one can take you seriously anymore.
Dippers
Whether it’s cheese dippers or Nutella dippers. Little breadsticks in a kind of chip tray with a built-in compartment for sauce are not for adults. You really shouldn’t be eating these after twenty, so just stop immediately.
Cheese strings
The same goes for cheese strings. You know, those sticks of cheese that you pull into strings before putting them in your mouth. First of all, they have nothing to do with cheese; secondly, they look ridiculous and leave you with greasy little fingers. So stop it.
Bifi
You don’t slice these chemical sausages for on the go; you just bite straight into them. Convenient, sure, but tasty? Meh. Hopefully this age comes with a salary that lets you buy yourself a decent dried sausage.
Canned soup
Come on, just buy a stick blender. Soup is so easy to make, and what’s sadder than opening a can of soup for dinner? I can’t think of anything right now.
AA
After football or tennis, there was nothing better than the AA sports drink. Sickly sweet, bright orange and actually terribly bad for you. You really don’t need all those sugars after exercising. Recently, while hungover, I bought a bottle again and didn’t even find it tasty anymore.
Energy drinks
Even sweeter and perhaps even worse for you. As soon as a can is opened on the train, the entire carriage fills with a horribly chemical smell. This was fun when you were still studying and had to sit in the library until 9 p.m., but after thirty, please just have a cup of coffee.
Liga
Another primary-school classic: the Liga biscuit. The tasteless biscuit with some kind of milk substance on top, which you naturally always licked off completely before starting on the disgusting biscuit (or throwing it away). Sultana and Evergreen also fall into the same category, by the way. Best not.
Babybel
Is this even cheese? We never had it at home, but whenever I found it at friends’ houses, it made me intensely happy. And that red candle wax-like coating it came wrapped in, which you always kneaded into little balls. Sadly, those days are over; at this age, it’s time for a proper cheese board.
Pop rocks
This classic is making a comeback in restaurants, where pop rocks are hidden in desserts at every opportunity. Sometimes you still find them in your chocolate, but come on, surely the fun has worn off a little by now?
Foam sweets
Sweets in general aren’t exactly very thirty-plus, but foam sweets are truly passé now. Just like pool lollipops, by the way.
Bao pao
As a student, you could get two bao pao from the freezer for €0.30. A quick stint in the microwave, dip them in some sweet chili sauce and dinner was ready. We obviously don’t do that anymore, do we? For a good version, just go to a Chinese restaurant.
Read also:
