Eddie’s Food Frustrations: when someone wants to help with cooking

Adeline loves food, a lot and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series Eddie’s Food Frustrations, she shares her observations. This week, she needs to talk about when someone suddenly wants to help with cooking.

Suppose you ever come to my house and find me cooking in the kitchen, then there’s one thing you should never, ever do. Help. When I’m cooking barefoot, with my hair in a bun and my AirPods in, I’m happy. The most terrible thing that can happen at that moment is someone interfering with that.

Unnecessary chopping

I want to move fluidly while cooking. Do I suddenly need a kitchen knife from the second drawer from the right? Then I want to grab it in one smooth-ish movement. It completely disrupts my mojo when someone is standing there chopping something else unnecessary in that exact spot, creating an obstacle between the kitchen knife and the execution of my dish. What could be even worse? Someone standing there chopping something unnecessary with the kitchen knife in question, so I have to ask for the knife. That’s my absolute hell’s kitchen.

When we have people over for dinner, there’s always a carefully worked-out plan too. We often cook beforehand, because I find nothing more unpleasant than having me (or my boyfriend, usually my boyfriend) spend half the time with our noses stuck between the pans. But that’s not all, because I’m always a little afraid that there’ll be some do-gooder among the guests who suddenly wants to help. And no matter how much I like you, I don’t want any help in the kitchen.

Finely chopped in my head is always something different from finely chopped in someone else’s head. On top of that, the do-gooder in question has no idea where anything is, which also turns you into a sort of signpost. And in the time I spend thinking about what the other person could do, I could have easily fixed it myself. Not to mention my mojo, which doesn’t respond well to questions.

Strangely furious

Okay, the person in my kitchen is obviously usually my boyfriend, because I generally eliminate the other possibilities. He knows, by the way, that I overreact while cooking. Even if he has thought of something kissy. For example, making out with me while I have to drain the rice at precisely that moment. I have nothing against making out, but I do when I’m at the point in my recipe where thirty things have to happen at once. Or when he helps but suddenly starts mixing his own additions into the recipe. It can make me strangely furious. It does work the other way around, though: when I help him, there’s no problem. That’s why we usually have him cook and me assist; then we can even kiss in between.

So if you ever come to my house for dinner, you’re only allowed to help with clearing the table. By then, thanks to the generous amounts of good wine, neither I nor my mojo could care less what happens. And how wonderful is it that you’re simply allowed to sit somewhere and do nothing?

Also read:

• 8 mistakes you make when cooking rice
• Never boil water over again
• 17 times cooking didn’t go the way you had imagined