The 14 dumbest things tourists do on holiday in Greece
As soon as summer arrives and easyJet flights to Greece start flying again for next to nothing, the country fills up with sunburnt tourists who all have one thing in common: they do stupid things. Very stupid things. Here are the 14 biggest blunders you can make on holiday in Greece.
1. The moutza: raising your hand as if you’re saying hello
Stop raising your hand as if you’re trying to wave the waiter over in a friendly way. In Greece, this is the equivalent of giving someone the middle finger. The “moutza” — open hand, fingers spread — is a centuries-old gesture meaning “piss off”, and Greeks take it quite literally. So unless you’re hoping to start an argument with a taxi driver: just hold up 1 finger.
2. Ordering only Greek salad and moussaka
Of course, you can get moussaka, choriatiki (the famous Greek salad) and mezedes (Greek tapas, basically) throughout the country, but if that’s all you order, you’re doing yourself a disservice. The food on holiday in Greece is just as varied as the landscape. In the north, they stew meat in earthenware pots and mix in handmade pasta. There are syrupy filo-pastry treats and ginger drinks that will keep you awake. From Albanian to Venetian influences: every region has its own flavour. So no, Greek salad isn’t a cultural highlight. Bougatsa, on the other hand? Absolutely. This ‘Greek mille-feuille’, made with filo pastry and a custard filling, is something you really don’t want to miss when you’re in Greece.
3. Dressing too skimply at religious sites
Going to a monastery in a barely-there bikini top? Best not. On holiday in Greece, visiting churches and monasteries is a religious affair. Covered shoulders and knees are the norm here. If necessary, throw a scarf over your beach body.
4. Stumbling through ruins in high heels
You don’t climb the Acropolis in your Louboutins. A holiday in Greece means cobblestones, cliffs, steps and uneven marble slabs. Wear something that won’t break your ankles. Tip from Athens’ tourist board (and from my podiatrist — yes, I speak from experience, although in my case it was flip-flops at a waterfall. Also not a good idea).
5. Starting a political debate
Greeks love talking about politics. With each other. Not with tourists. You’re on holiday in Greece, so save your opinions about the euro crisis, Erdogan or the monarchy for the drinks table back home. And no, not even “as a joke”. Greek pride is sacred, so don’t try to argue against it with your Dutch bluntness.
6. Risking your life for a selfie
That one rock on Zakynthos looks amazing on Instagram. But the reality is that people fall off it every year. Sometimes in flip-flops. Sometimes with a selfie stick. Always with regret. Use your common sense, stay behind the barrier and live to see a second day of your holiday. #nofilter #nospoedarts
7. Drinking tap water
Whether tap water is safe on holiday in Greece depends entirely on where you are. On the mainland: usually fine. On the islands? Don’t do it, we were advised. The water there often comes from tanks or old pipes, and before you know it, you’ll be spending half your holiday on a toilet in a fishing village. Bottled water it is.
8. Not leaving a tip
In the Netherlands, tipping is a heated debate; on holiday in Greece, it’s an insult. Service staff earn little, and a tip of 5 to 10% is very much appreciated. Even the taxi driver who drove you against the traffic, the bellboy who dropped your suitcase and the waiter who spilled your wine: tipping is a must.
9. Going to Santorini or Mykonos in peak season
Santorini and Mykonos are beautiful. In theory. In practice, it’s a combination of claustrophobic crowds, absurd prices and American cruise passengers looking for “authentic Greek vibes”. On holiday in Greece, you want to relax. Go to Tinos, Milos or Karpathos instead — just as beautiful, but with room to breathe.
10. Taking stupid photos with statues
Pretending to give the statue of Apollo a blowjob as a joke? Some people actually do this — yes, if you hadn’t already lost all hope in humanity, you have now. Greeks are proud of their history and their marble gods. Making fun of ancient statues is simply very stupid. Want to be funny? Do it at home with an inflatable mermaid.
11. Wanting to go clubbing before 22:00
Dutch people who want to party on time: this isn’t the place. On holiday in Greece, nightlife only starts after dinner, so at 10:00 p.m. if you’re lucky. Clubs don’t fill up until around midnight, and only become really fun at 2 a.m. So don’t stress if you don’t have your first ouzo until 11:45 p.m. In fact, then you’re right on schedule.
12. Picking fruit from a tree
See a juicy fig tree by the roadside? Don’t just pick from it. There’s a good chance the tree belongs to someone. And even if it looks like an abandoned plot: there’s always a yaya (grandmother) with a pitchfork behind the window. Just ask. You’ll probably be given an entire bag. Or invited to dinner.
13. Eating somewhere the menu has no prices
If the menu doesn’t list prices: run. Don’t hesitate. No “maybe it’s just fancy”. It’s a trap. You’ll end up with an €84 bill for a plate of octopus and a bottle of water. And then you’ll still be queueing at the ATM afterwards. Always check the menu, including the small print.
14. Downing ouzo like it’s tequila
Ouzo, raki, tsipouro: these aren’t shots. This is Greek culture. You sip it, talk, eat an olive, sip again. If you down your glass in one go and then scream around the table in misery, everyone knows: yet another drunk Dutch tourist in Santorini. ARGH!
Read also:
