Why Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Use a Self-Checkout

Adeline loves food, lots of it and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. And she simply has to share those surprises and annoyances every now and then. This time: people who use a self-checkout—and really shouldn’t.

Yep, I’d like to talk about people who shouldn’t be allowed to use a self-checkout. I’ll just say what everyone is thinking right away. If you’re already tempted to give me a piece of your mind, I kindly but firmly advise you to stop reading.

Scanning Bananas and Wine at Verstappen Speed

Ideally, I want a shopping cart, a scanner and the card terminal, with as little human interaction as possible while doing my shopping. As sociable as I am during the week, that’s how wary of people I am at the weekend. But there are also supermarkets where you’re allowed to scan your own groceries. Three of those cheerful checkouts stand at the end of the route, and you swipe your groceries past them as if it were your calling. In my head, I always compete with the person at the checkout next to me, based on speed and number of products. I don’t, of course, inform the person in question. But if you see someone scanning bananas and wine like a true juggler at Verstappen speed, it could very well be me.

Time Saved with Self-Checkout—How Exactly?

I consulted Wiki for a moment to find out what the purpose of a self-checkout is, and I quote: “The advantage is that no checkout staff are needed, and especially when a bank card is used, a considerable amount of time can be saved.” Well, not at the local supermarket in Nederhorst den Berg. In Nederhorst den Berg, the self-checkout is an outing. But because ‘we’ have seen several of them in Nederhorst den Berg, we don’t consider that a problem—until the time saved is compromised. One checkout needed a new receipt roll (apparently that’s a word), one was occupied by a moderately experienced scanner and the last served as entertainment. A man and woman of a certain age were leisurely scanning Earl Grey, two apples (which, naturally, still had to be weighed) and pancake mix.

It Can Get Even Worse

For every product, they stepped back to locate the barcode with the help of their reading glasses, positioned the product in front of the scanner and then checked whether it had actually been scanned, despite the clearly audible beep. It went on and on and on, while I watched the sniggering people in the ‘regular’ line being scanned out at a brisk pace by a competent employee who, for once, wasn’t short of a chat.

Besides people of a certain age, there are also (even worse) parents who let their little ones beep cheese, minced meat and more through the scanner (heard this in real life). When you see this, you immediately understand once again why you’re only allowed to work in a supermarket from the age of sixteen.

Rush Hour, Traffic Jam, Hell

The self-checkout is actually like being stuck in traffic or taking the train during rush hour. Please don’t use it if you can see that other people are in a hurry. And as I write this, I think of those two people of a certain age, who presumably really didn’t feel like dealing with the checkout employee’s nonsense (just like me) and who have worked their backsides off their entire lives so that I can scan at top speed. I am a monster. By the way, I have nothing good to say about using the self-checkout as an attraction for your children—until I probably find myself standing there with a child one day and think how funny it would be to…

When an employee asks if they can check my basket, I always feel a little arrested too. In my head, I immediately hear: “step away from the object, keep your hands where I can see them.” Not that I’ve ever been arrested, by the way.

Not a Criminal, but Definitely a Fraudster

But are you always the one who gets screwed at the self-checkout? That’s not a coincidence, and it is your fault. Your supermarket of choice has software that allows them to enter certain preferences. It’s a kind of formula: if you have lots of expensive products or spend far too long walking laps around the supermarket, there’s a chance you’ll be ‘caught’ for a check. You now also know how I do my shopping. Ever forgotten to scan something? Then you’ll keep being the one who gets the short end of the stick time and again, because the system sees you as a fraudster. AH apparently even conducts an entire risk analysis for each customer. There goes your time saved…

And especially for Marianne, who once ended up in a cell for hours because of a mistake at the self-checkout.

Also read:

• When Your Waiter Turns Out to Be a Bender
• The Grossest Dining Scene in a Restaurant Ever
• Confession: I’m Buying My House Based on thuisbezorgd.nl