A chocolate letter especially for MEN?! Give me a break
Chocolatier Kees Raat of Metropolitan in Amsterdam has launched a chocolate letter made from smoked chocolate. Sounds good, but there’s one major FLAW.
If I’m to believe the press release, this chocolate letter is exclusively for MEN. In capitals, yes. Nice and MASCULINE. Just like this ‘solid, tough, robust’ letter with ‘house-smoked chocolate.’
Here’s the thing: according to Kees, men do get chocolate letters, but their wives and children keep eating them. Apparently, these men have been so affected by the advance of feminism nowadays that they have spontaneously lost their tongues (making tasting rather difficult) and can’t say: ‘Gosh, you have your own letter; I’d really like to keep mine.’ No, the poor souls repeatedly give up their chocolate letters against their will.
The solution
But not for much longer! Because Kees—himself also a victim of this phenomenon—came up with a scheme: a genuine men’s letter. Inspired by his smoky whisky, because his wife and children do keep their grubby fingers off that.
The result is a letter made from dark milk chocolate (60%), smoked cacao nibs and smoked sea salt. ‘Chocolate especially for MEN and therefore, for once, not for women and/or children.’ Mwahahaha. A big M for ME, the MAN! That’ll teach those thieving scoundrels! ‘Super handy, I’ll never come up empty-handed in my cupboard again when I feel like a piece of chocolate,’ says Kees.
Give me a break
Now, Kees is a fantastic ice-cream and chocolate maker, and undoubtedly a very nice guy too. But MAN, MAN, MAN, I find this letter an absolute load of nonsense, based on reasoning from the Stone Age. When are we going to stop this? What kind of chocolate you like has nothing to do with your gender, does it? And if you don’t want to share your letter, you can just say so, right?
Look, this is how you do it:
Dear Sinterklaas and Piet,
My name doesn’t begin with an M, and I’m not a MAN either,
does that mean I can’t eat Kees’s letter?
I hope not, it would make me sad,
because I love those smoky aromas so much.
May I? Then I would be delighted,
if that entire letter could be mine alone.
Not having to share with anyone, that’s my wish,
because yes, I’m simply a greedy person.
Love,
Steffi
The chocolate letter is available at Metropolitan and online until 5 December (€14.95). For the rest of the year, the chocolate is available as a bar.
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