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Lotje Deelman was editor-in-chief of ELLE Eten, has been working for Allerhande for almost 15 years and worked behind the scenes on television programs such as MasterChef, de Worsten van Babel On Tour and De Nieuwe Lekkerbek. She ate pig’s trotter with Anthony Bourdain and flirted with Gordon Ramsay in his Aston Martin. Lotje is the (co-)author of more than ten cookbooks and, in her kitchen in the Drenthe countryside, is never too shy to set something on fire. On FavorFlav, Lotje vents weekly about what keeps her occupied. This time: Lotje struggles with the obligations that come with an office job.

A is for apples, which you do like
B is for baking, you’re good at that, man!

Hmm. This isn’t going to work. I don’t think I can do this.
Yuck. That rhymes. Like-man-can. That’s what you get from rhyming: you can’t stop. Irritating. Burnt. Gut. Coffee plant. Peninsula. Kindred spirit.

At one careless moment, I shouted that I would make an alphabet for the farewell of a colleague at Allerhande. You know, a summary of someone’s life or career. I shout things so often that I’m almost never held to them. Simply because nobody can remember what I shouted, or when. But this time they did. Put your money where your mouth is, Lotje, someone even said.

Peer pressure. Oh dear…
So I’ll practise for a moment.
On you.
Read along:

A is for Astrid, who doesn’t work here anymore
Annemarie and Chantal don’t either, and that really hurts.

That makes absolutely no sense. Again.

A is for Albert, who’s been dead for ages
B is for butter, delicious on bread

No!
Feels a bit like Saint Nicholas, this.

Let’s keep going. For the flow.

C is too difficult,
I don’t know what to do with that.
Or wait a minute:
Croissant, crème brûlée!

E is going quite well,
It comes after D.
They’re vitamins,
So that’s not too bad.

F is for FavorFlav
Who comes up with a word like that?
Surely nobody has
Ever heard of it?

G is for gazpacho, gastrique
And gnocchi and gravlax
That sounds deliciously chic.

Fuck. This isn’t getting anywhere.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G. G is for gluten. Grill pan. Prawns. Nineteen more letters to go. Including X, Y (yummy yummy in da tummy?) and Z.

Whines? Sighs? Revels? Falls silent?

This isn’t going to happen. Sorry, colleagues at Allerhande. I’m simply not very good at an alphabet like this. I’ll bake a cake instead. Or two.

Okay?

Want to read more columns by Lotje? Then look here.