Bartender asks: please stop this and it will stay fun for everyone

According to bartender Haley Karl, the list of inappropriate comments made by (male) drunken louts at her bar is endless and, sadly, unsurprising. What bothers her even more are the supposedly well-intentioned comments from completely sober guests that nevertheless, or perhaps precisely because of that, come across as sexist. That is why she is happy to offer advice on what not to say to a female bartender…

And Karl knows full well that most reactions to this will be along the lines of “You’re not allowed to say anything anymore,” “It’s just a compliment,” and “Ugh, millennials always complain about everything”… But she has had enough, and would love to move towards a situation in which cafés are the foundation of a kind of close-knit culture, where conversations are fun and inspiring or simply relaxing, and where she is not seen as a woman behind the bar, but simply as a human being.

Please stop this

According to her, it would help if male guests stopped making these comments:

What’s your name?

This seemingly innocent question can immediately set off alarm bells for women working in hospitality, along the lines of “sigh, here we go…” Of course, there are moments when this is a perfectly normal question, for example when you discover that your children go to the same school, or that you used to play marbles together in the neighborhood, but generally speaking, it is a strange question to ask first thing when you have not even placed an order yet, or at the moment your drink is set down in front of you. Do you do that at the bakery too?

According to Karl, the newly obtained, not entirely voluntarily shared information is almost always used to loudly shout over the din in a kind of insincere friendliness, and to cut in line when ordering. Her request, therefore, is to leave names out of it entirely, unless someone is required to wear their name on their work uniform.

What a lovely hairstyle/smile/t-shirt/lipstick color you have

Haley Karl suspects that most men, when they read this, will jump out of their chairs in indignation: “What is this politically correct nonsense? It’s just a compliment, jeeeezus”… But before bombarding her with the angry question of what exactly is wrong with it, she asks men to take a moment to consider: why are you complimenting us, and what is it necessary for? According to Karl, compliments are not like CO2 for plants: they are not a basic necessity. And she asks you to first ask yourself: would I say this if it were a man behind the bar?

Wow, you really know your way around beer/whiskey/wine/etc.

Um, yes, that is my profession, Karl says. So it is hardly surprising—just as, if you were an accountant, I would not somewhat astonishedly ‘compliment’ you on knowing a thing or two about numbers, she says. It is simply basic knowledge. And not something that requires a pat on the back when you are clearly dealing with an adult woman behind the bar, rather than a well-behaved schoolkid trying to earn some pocket money at a pancake house for the first time during the summer holidays.

Does Haley Karl mean that all men should keep their tails between their legs and stay home pulling a beer from the fridge instead? No, of course not. She explicitly points out that this concerns certain men (okay, the majority of them) and #NotAllMen. But she does point out that times are changing, and that women deserve a safe workplace and should be able to stand up for themselves more assertively in it. Cheers!

Also read:

• 10 of the grossest drink requests made to bar staff
• Treasure the reopened hospitality industry and try to keep this in mind
• The hospitality industry problem that almost no one has heard of yet

Source: Vinepair.com