Eddie’s Food Annoyances: The Random Check at the Supermarket

Adeline (nickname: Eddie) loves food, lots of it and often, both at home and out. Usually, that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series Eddie’s Food Annoyances you can read about the latter. This time: that bloody irritating random check at the supermarket.

Apparently, the self-checkout system at the supermarket has a few red flags. The thing goes off randomly from time to time anyway, but (according to supermarket insiders) it also reacts to a combination of products and the time it took to scan them. And the latter is presumably why I’m the one who gets picked every week, because it’s no secret that I try to spend as long as possible in a supermarket .

The system recognizes theft-prone items from the more luxurious segment (which I buy because I’m a luxury-loving cat) and if you dawdle, as thieves apparently do, the checkout locks. And that’s where hell begins, a.k.a. the random check.

Keep your hands off my bag

There are supermarket employees who politely ask whether they may carry out a random check. I always wonder whether I’d be arrested if I said ‘no’. But I don’t dare, so I cooperate extremely willingly. “Of course, go ahead, can you reach everything? Here, I’ll help for a moment. Oh no, of course I’m not allowed to. (silly giggle in between) Go ahead and get it yourself.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking: keep your paws off my carefully packed bag. And yes, that’s very unkind of me, but I have a valid reason. After a random check, I always arrive home with mashed groceries. Crushed lettuce, dented apples, yogurt that has been squashed or folded cheese—there’s always something.

All the way past the wine

Take last week, for example. I bought a bag of Kinder Eggs. The entire editorial team said I had to get four bags because I had never tasted anything so heavenly and wanted more afterwards. But I had self-control, so I took one measly little bag. Guess what I had at checkout—of course: a random check. The very nice young man behind the checkout took everything out of my carefully and thoughtfully packed bag, scanned four products right down to the bottom, and then hurriedly stuffed everything back in.

My breathing quickened a little when I saw it, but you still don’t say anything. You don’t unpack and repack everything afterwards either, because by then that damn random check has created a queue stretching all the way past the wine, so you keep your mouth shut and humbly leave the store. Once home, I took the Kinder Eggs out of my bag like a trophy, held them up so my boyfriend could admire them, opened the bag and… pulled out a sad, crushed egg. A chocolate egg, yes, but still. It could have been six perfectly round, untouched little eggs. Instead, the foil was firmly pressed into the chocolate.

Milk at the bottom

How nice would it be if supermarkets gave their clueless minions a packing course? With the title: Your Father and Mother Don’t Put That Heavy Carton of Milk at the Bottom of the Bag for Nothing. Just teach them the basic principles of grocery packing, instead of plonking the bottle of detergent on top of a bag of lamb’s lettuce. Thanks in advance!

Read also:

• We need to talk about people who chew ice cream
• Dishes that (star) chefs never put on the menu
• 31x top chefs’ favorite new spots