How to Spend as Long as Possible in the Supermarket
Adeline loves food, lots of it and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the Sunday Roast series, she shares her observations. This time: the supermarket is the highlight of my week.
In the past (long before corona), I hated grocery shopping in a supermarket. Not to be confused with shopping at the weekly market, at a fancy vegetable jeweller or a damn good traiteur; for me, that falls into the category of shopping. Shopping is different. But dragging myself through an aisle with one of those carts past the shelves felt like hell. Not anymore. Being allowed to go to the supermarket feels like heaven. What a time to be alive.
Busy citizen
I even dare say that pushing one of those carts through an aisle improves my mood. Idly lingering by the fresh soups, making a lap past the snacks, checking whether they still have a tasty little cheese in one of those vacuum packs and then moving on to the tea. Did you know that the physical tea selection differs from the online selection? Yes, it keeps a person busy. In the tea aisle, I spend a good five minutes studying all the Yogi tea flavours and wondering whether you’re allowed to drink it if you don’t practise yoga. On to the unroasted-nut aisle, because woe betide you if you eat salted and roasted ones.
Go back to start
Once I’m inside, I also have a tactic for staying as long as possible. Yes, yes, I know you’re supposed to grab specific products and get home as quickly as possible, but just see this as my rebellious indulgence. Still better than looting a Jumbo, right? This is how you do it—I’ll assume for convenience that you too want to stretch out your time in the supermarket, because honestly: what else are you going to do?
Walk two laps around every shelf in the supermarket, as slowly as you can manage. It is essential, though, that you forget something in the fresh-food section. Make your way towards the bread, continue via the cheese, take a lap past the yoghurt, walk up and down every aisle, browse the racks by the magazine section and then linger extensively by the wine. Only at the freezer section do you casually pretend that you’ve suddenly discovered you forgot something; sighing, looking annoyed and muttering to yourself about how inconvenient this is are optional. And then you’re allowed to go all the way back to the beginning. Legal. What a win.
For the dishwasher tablets
It’s like a Go Back to Start in Monopoly, but in a good way. The great advantage is that the people who enter the supermarket at the same time as you do actually pay and leave. So by the fresh-food section, you’re dealing with newcomers again, who have no idea how long you’ve been inside. Nobody bats an eyelid when you take another close look at the cheeses. Do take it a little mañana with what you put in your cart on that first lap, though, because standing by the aubergines with a full cart is noticeable.
This week, I managed to spend twenty (!) minutes in Jumbo for a pack of dishwasher tablets, a bag of Kinder Easter eggs and a jar of peanut butter. My mood hadn’t been this tidy in ages.
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