Eddie’s Food Grievances: When No One Tells You There’s Something Stuck Between Your Teeth
Adeline (nickname: Eddie) loves eating, a lot and often, both at home and out. Usually, that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series Eddie’s Food Grievances, you can read about the latter. This week, she takes a closer look at leftovers between your teeth. And at those awful people who never say anything about it.
Imagine walking into the most important appointment of your life with your fly undone, a booger in the corner of your right nostril, or a lettuce leaf stuck between your teeth. You were planning to impress your new in-laws, casually land that job, or sweep the love of your life off their feet, but unfortunately.
Feel that? Painful, right? That’s exactly why I think there should be a duty to report leftovers between people’s teeth. Whoever you see with whatever remnant, tell them, people. It’s simply mean to let someone walk around with something like that stuck there.
The Blubbers
I just fished a basil leaf out from the back left of my mouth. That could have turned out very strangely and become visible if I had grinned just a little too broadly. Of course, you then make some pseudo-witty remark like, ‘I was saving that for later,’ but it all remains a little embarrassing. That’s why it should be punishable when people say nothing about it. Have some compassion for your fellow human beings.
And of course I also feel uncomfortable having to say that to a complete stranger/vague acquaintance/father-in-law. You are pointing out something unusual, and it’s also a little gross, but that’s precisely why. Anything is better than someone finding out later and getting the fright of their life in front of the mirror, because what kind of person does that make you? You really make friends for life when you do point something like that out to someone. I still have a close bond with the waitress at my favorite restaurant because I subtly alerted her to an open-fly situation.
Sore Mouth
People should actually be banned from every social activity for the rest of their lives if they fail to alert a companion to food remnants between their teeth. And, as punishment, they should be forced to eat food that always gets uncomfortably stuck between their teeth and preferably causes a bit of a sore mouth as well.
There. I hate people who let you give a presentation with an entire herb garden in your mouth.
The Selfie Check
I’m writing this in a food hall, by the way. I’m sitting at a very long table where other people are allowed to join me. Very millennial and very writerly of me. Just blend into the surroundings, have a cup of coffee, and then grab some lunch. But that last part can go horribly wrong. Someone you know will usually still tell you that something has gotten stuck between your second tooth from the left on the top, but a stranger? Nope, no chance.
After eating my lunch, I therefore first inspect every tooth with my tongue for any leftover food, and if in doubt, I do the selfie check. Just pretend you’re looking something up on your phone, turn on the front camera, and grin at yourself properly. It has saved me a lot—really, a lot—of embarrassment. So just promise me now that from here on out, you’ll always say something when you see it.
Read also:
- Fromage fort is the delicious solution for all those leftover bits of cheese
- Why you shouldn’t wrap leftover food in aluminum foil
- Guide: this is the best way to reheat leftovers
