Eddie’s pet peeves: everything that goes wrong when your groceries are delivered
Adeline loves food, a lot of it and often, both at home and out and about. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the Sunday Roast series, she shares her observations. This week, every annoyance involving home-delivered groceries gets its turn.
Dragging yourself through the supermarket with such a huge shopping list every week—you really couldn’t make me any unhappier. But why don’t you just buy a few things every day, girl? I find that even more of a living hél and a waste of my time. That’s why I thanked the grocery gods on my bare knees when supermarkets started delivering to people’s homes. But to turn the Cruijffian saying around: every advantage has its disadvantage.
And of course, that also applies to having your groceries delivered.
Fucking crates
Let’s start with those fucking crates you have to collect while the delivery driver is already impatiently ringing the doorbell. But apparently you’re not allowed to open the door first and only then fetch the crates, because that’s policy and not permitted. I’m also one of those unfaithful grocery shoppers, so I have an assortment of crates in the shed.
Try handing Jumbo the ones from Albert Heijn. I could play Bingo with my grocery crates.
Exactly three hours left
At the supermarket, I rummage right at the back of the shelf to make sure everything has the longest possible shelf life. It’s my tactic for having to go there as little as possible. You can’t do that when you have your fruit and vegetables delivered. Last week, for example, I had green asparagus that had exactly three hours of shelf life left after delivery—aka, until the end of that day. Of course, I only noticed this two days later, when they were already lying there stinking in my vegetable drawer. Can I get angry about that? Yes.
Starving twice over
Forgetting to adjust your grocery list before the deadline is another one. Which means you suddenly have six sizeable bottles of Persil detergent delivered to your home. Yes, I always fill my shopping cart with expensive stuff so I can reach the minimum order amount as quickly as possible.
Then, one minute before the deadline, I quickly submit my entire shopping list. The annoying thing is that you’re left with a surplus of detergent and not a single one of the groceries you actually needed at home. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the delivery driver look at me so strangely. That was just before I had to go to the supermarket anyway to get the rest of my groceries.
Impossible
Having your dinner delivered with an order scheduled to arrive between seven and nine in the evening. And then, at quarter to nine, you’re gnawing at your doormat by the front door because you’re starving, since of course it only arrives five minutes before the deadline.
Other than that, I obviously have nothing to complain about, because it’s the invention of the century.
Image: Albert Heijn
Also read:
- When your waiter turns out to be a bummer
- The grossest dining scene in a restaurant ever
- Why some people shouldn’t be allowed to use a self-checkout
