Hilarious reactions to Haribo’s new sweets
Haribo’s new gummy bears aren’t to everyone’s taste. The sweets don’t contain sugar, but sweetener, and those sugar substitutes can sometimes have the effect of, uh… working as a bit of a laxative. Well, a bit…
Haribo’s sugar-free gummy bears are only available in America, and perhaps not for much longer. Because one candy lover after another writes about enormous stomach cramps and the worst diarrhea ever after eating the bears. Disastrous, but the way the complaints are written in reviews on Amazon is downright hilarious.
That’ll teach them
‘I absolutely hate it when colleagues rummage through my things when I’m not at work. So I bought two bags of these revenge sweets. Of course, I told my colleagues to keep their hands off them, that I would definitely find out if they ate my candy and that there would be consequences. If only they knew…’
Jason Ellenburg describes the sounds he hears coming from the toilets as […] a live humpback whale butchered by a blind man wielding a chainsaw. Clear enough. The end result: most of the sweets were eaten by colleagues, and the whole department has to go home because of intestinal problems. Jason doesn’t think his colleagues have learned their lesson, but he found it an entertaining workday.
Adventure at 30,000 feet
Derek overslept, just barely caught his flight from Boston to Los Angeles and ate four or five of those lovely sweets for breakfast. That was four or five too many, because after a few minutes his stomach started rumbling. Too bad he had a window seat, next to two elderly ladies, whom he therefore had to climb over on his way to the toilet. Tense moments, terrible aromas, an occupied toilet and, eventually, sweet relief in another toilet at the front of the plane, whose door Derek forgets to close in his haste. His conclusion: I would recommend these sweets to everyone, but be warned.
Order them again
Brandon is brief: ‘I’ve been sitting on the toilet for five days straight with terrible cramps, I’m definitely going to order these sweets again.’
Quarantine gets easier
Dexter gave the gummy bears to a friend who found it difficult to follow the corona rules. The friend didn’t leave his house for ten days afterward because he was afraid he wouldn’t make it to the toilet in time. Dexter: ‘These sweets aren’t a medicine against Covid-19, but they certainly help reduce the number of infections.’
Good preparation is important
Jimmy Beans offers tips for proper preparation before you start on a bag of gummy bears. ‘Eat them on Friday, make sure your weekend calendar is empty and take Monday off in advance. Check that you’re completely up to date with your sewerage and water bills. Have the watering can with a soft spray head ready, because toilet paper will start to hurt too much at some point. Tell housemates and family members what’s going to happen beforehand, otherwise they’ll worry when they hear distressed noises coming from the bathroom. And adjust the bathroom décor: stick motivational quotes on the wall and hang a note with the emergency services’ phone number where it’s clearly visible.’ Next time, Jimmy would rather go skydiving without a parachute, because then, he says, ‘at least there’s still a chance it will end well.’
Santa doesn’t like me
Jessie is disappointed. ‘I got these sweets in my Christmas stocking. I think Santa hates me. It hurts. Three sweets are already too many.’
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