M&M’s are too woke and are therefore stopping their ads
In the category ‘you can never get it right,’ I present to you: M&M’s. They’re under fire. Why, you might ask. After all, they’re just colored pieces of chocolate, possibly with caramel, or crunchy, or with a peanut. What are they doing wrong? This is all reasonably harmless, right?
Well, absolutely not. The ever-conservative, Trump-supporting Fox News is angry. Furious, even. M&M’s changed their ads, and that has caused great displeasure for Fox News host Tucker Carlson.
‘You’re way too woke’
Last year, M&M’s changed their ads slightly; a small adjustment they hadn’t even thought people would notice. ‘And we certainly didn’t expect it to go viral on the internet. But we understand: even a candy’s shoes can be polarizing,’ said the company behind M&M’s in their statement, which began with: ‘America, we need to talk.’
But what exactly is going on?! The brown M&M no longer wears stiletto heels, but block heels. Or, even worse: sneakers. Much less sexy, then, and more androgynous. ‘[Androgynous] Until the moment we wouldn’t want to have a drink with them anymore. Only when we’ve all been put off have we achieved equality.’ To be clear: this is indeed about a cartoon version of a chocolate candy. And a news channel is getting worked up about it. Because they want cartoons we would take on a date, and of course those are only female candies wearing high heels.
But it gets even worse
Fox News isn’t only angry for that reason; since last month, M&M’s have also included purple varieties in a bag (something FavorFlav’s Sharon, incidentally, also thought was a bit woke). And two female green M&M’s were holding hands on new packaging. Tucker Carlson considers these candies ‘lesbian,’ and, because they are somewhat rounder/ sturdier than previous candies, also ‘obese.’
And I can’t emphasize this enough: this is indeed still about chocolate candies. Lesbian, obese, androgynous, far-too-woke chocolate candies. The talking cartoon versions of the M&M’s are being suspended, so Carlson’s sleepless nights are over. Or are they…? They’re being replaced by Maya Rudolph. A woman. Who isn’t a size 34. And stands for equal rights. And openly supports the LGBTQ+ community. Oh nooooo. THE HORROR.
Tucker: M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity… pic.twitter.com/rz7VtVCHWu
— Acyn (@Acyn) January 22, 2022
A message from M&M’S. pic.twitter.com/EMucEBTd9o
— M&M’S (@mmschocolate) January 23, 2023
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