Our Man in the Provinces Prepares for Dry January
He ate out several times a week, was always looking for the tastiest herring, most enjoyable wine, juiciest hamburger or best meat thermometer. But six months ago, journalist Marcel Langedijk traded Amsterdam for the Provinces. Is it bearable there for a lover of fine food and drink? Yes, but please stay away from his champagne.
I read that Jeroen Krabbé was once advised to wear a bulletproof vest in his portrayal of Sinterklaas. He didn’t, ‘because nobody shoots Sinterklaas dead’, but it once again showed how absurdly people have behaved in recent years when it comes to this children’s celebration. I grant everyone their opinion, but as my mother always says, anything with ‘too’ in front of it is not good, and she is right. As far as I’m concerned, the overly rabid supporters and opponents of Black Pete can be locked up in a large warehouse to fight things out once and for all. With toy clubs, battles with peppernuts and marzipan-eating contests. Because for anyone with children at the age when they still believe, surviving Sinterklaas is difficult enough even without the blockade Friesians and Kick Out Black Pete activists.
A fake nose and peppernuts
Sleepless nights, too few or too many presents, sugar attacks—you don’t want to know. So let’s establish by law that next year there will only be normal Petes, without smudges, without makeup. Just your neighbor Henk, Sharon, Robby or Lucien in a bodysuit and fluorescent outfit. Possibly with a fake nose or a wig. Here in the provinces too, please, because they still have completely black Petes here and I believe the somewhat normally thinking part of the Netherlands is really done with that by now. Moreover, the children don’t care at all, because they want peppernuts and a PlayStation 4.
The Game Changers
It would almost make you start to hate December. Even though it is the best winter month, because anyone who doesn’t go to the tropics in January, February or March has a lot of misery ahead. Cold, rain, no holidays, no tasty food and drink. From the beginning of 2020, after all, we have to go on a diet. And everyone is becoming vegan because they watched ‘The Game Changers‘ on Netflix—I briefly had my doubts too, but for now I’m sticking to very little— I can’t give up meat and fish. And yes, of course, in 2020 the drinks cabinet finally has to go too, because just like meat and fish, alcohol kills you.
Sparkling Rosé
To prepare for that, the Editor-in-Chief sent me a few bottles of champagne. Alcohol-free, that is. The Editor-in-Chief is a kind person with a good heart and cheerful clothes, but with this sort of prank you don’t make life any more enjoyable for a freelancer. Was it disgusting, then, Marcel, you may wonder? No, it wasn’t disgusting. Wine guru Hubrecht Duijker even described the Sparkling Rosé as ‘really tasty’. Well, his wife did, but he nevertheless wrote it down somewhere on a website. I wouldn’t go that far. I’d settle for ‘not disgusting’. But neither is tap water carbonated with a SodaStream.
It’s well-intentioned
One glass, poured into a festive flûte, is perfectly manageable, and with a little effort you could imagine it as something champagnelike, but after a glass and a half your stomach starts protesting. The same goes for the white version. It’s well-intentioned, looks cheerful, is considerably cheaper (just under six euros per bottle), and my mother—who doesn’t drink—thought it was festive too, but I’m afraid that even in 2020 I’ll occasionally let a bottle of Pommery (perfect price-quality ratio) pop. While it’s still allowed, that is, because it’s naturally only a matter of time before organizations such as Kick Out Alcohol-Free Beer and the Blockade Drinkers appear.
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