Quarantine questions: who would the take-away chef do it with?
Adeline loves food, lots of it and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series Sunday Roast, she shares her wonderings. This week: her pressing quarantine questions.
Since this week, I know that my life consists of eating for about fifty percent. If I’m not thinking about what to eat, I’m thinking about where to eat—or I’m actually eating. But quarantine also confronts you with consumer-related issues that you normally wouldn’t give a second thought to. Such as…
Who would the take-away chef do it with?
In the week before the hospitality industry was locked down, I heard a sous-chef explaining what he was going to do with his date at the bowling alley (?) in all sorts of ways, and ever since then I’ve thought only: does my take-away chef wash his hands often enough? Because the virus spreads through droplets, as we all know.
How many kilometres do you have to walk to compensate for that bowl of onion soup with five slices of cheese?
My eating pattern has become rather schizophrenic since I’ve been homebound. I move from Jumbo’s strawberry ice lollies via homemade gratinated onion soup to sandwiches with smoked chicken breast and that little bit of honey-mustard dressing on top. I’ve just calculated that you have to walk at a normal pace for about fifty minutes for a generous portion of ‘regular’ cheese. Presumably I won’t fit into my jeans after last week anymore, and after three weeks I won’t fit through the door anymore. Hell no!
What does the pantry of an average hoarder look like?
Even if I wanted to stock up, I wouldn’t know where to put it all. But I picture bookcases full of canned tuna and people who have filled entire under-stair cupboards to the brim with jars of pasta sauce and spaghetti. I’d actually quite like to go and throw cans at them, if we have to go old school anyway.
What do people who don’t go out for food and drinks do at the weekend?
I’m two weeks in and I’ve discovered that my hobbies consist of: eating out and drinking out. Within my social circle, this is a common pastime, because they do it with me often and in abundance, but what do other people do at the weekend? I’ve adjusted my hobbies, by the way, to drinking indoors and eating indoors.
How much longer do people have to eat Unox tinned mushroom soup?
Last week I heard a girl ask her father what that was he was taking from the shelf. “Uuuh, mushroom soup,” he said while quickly tossing some tins into his basket and making a getaway. I suspect the girl has never eaten creamy mushroom soup in her approximately six-year-old life, but judging by the number of tins her father bought, she’s going to do so for quite a few more years.
Is it normal to go bankrupt because of home delivery?
Because I’m heading that way on an almost professional level.
What are people who can’t cook supposed to do now?
Because I’m seriously worried about that. All the ready-made soups are gone, along with the people who can cook, pizzas have been raided from the freezer aisle, and now what? At the supermarket I saw a vegetable section bursting at the seams, but I can imagine that this is a terrifying sight if you have no f-ing clue what to do with a courgette. And you know what seems even scarier to me? Having to eat at someone’s house who can’t cook…
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