The 6 types of popcorn eaters and what they say about you
Adeline loves eating, a lot and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the Sunday Roast series, she shares her observations. This time, the popcorn-eating human is under her microscope.
Welcome to some enlightening popcorn propaganda. The magical stuff that really shouldn’t only be consumed from a cardboard box in the dark. This ingeniously popped kernel of corn is suitable for so many more occasions, although that may depend on the type of popcorn eater. I’ve witnessed scenes that really aren’t suitable for repeating in public without an age restriction and warning.
Last supper
If you’re thinking now: popcorn must have originated from a stray corn kernel in a frying pan, that’s not the case. Popcorn apparently dates back to 3600 BC. And suddenly you picture that last supper very differently. We Europeans have Columbus to thank for enjoying a lovely cardboard box with our film; he brought the popped kernels back from his journey to America. By the way, they are also the leading popcorn shareholders there and apparently consume enough to fill football stadiums every year.
Back to the popcorn eaters and all their related peculiarities. Tell us, which one are you and which ones do you know?
The lizard
This person would actually rather French-kiss the bowl of popcorn. He or she positions themselves just above it and licks the popcorn in piece by piece. From the outside, this person seems perfectly normal, but behind closed doors…
The labrador
This type would rather stick their entire face into the bowl to get those ridiculously delicious, airy pops into their mouth. These popcorn eaters go all-in. You see them near a bottle of wine first, and they leave parties last—remarkably insatiable but exceptionally fun.
The juggler
Catapults popcorn into their mouth one piece at a time, after a triple somersault and a backward twirl. They walk with their knees slightly bent and upper body curved in a lambada position behind the popcorn, catching it ingeniously (with their mouth, yes) on the way down. This type of eater is adventurous and likes to be the center of attention.
The prude
The person who fishes the popcorn out of the bowl one by one as if it were crudités. He or she might well say halfway through the cardboard (small size) box that they’ve had enough. This type goes against nature in every way, because popcorn is meant to be devoured. Not to be trusted, then.
The kernel biter
The box appears empty, but deep down one last popcorn kernel is still shining, and we leave nobody behind. This is the tenacious one. This type gets everything out of life. This man or woman always sees the positive side of the kernel. Chews their way through everything. Is no quitter, shouts boooo-yaaaah while eating and knows how to discover the soft side of that rock-hard kernel. What a man, what a woman.
But whatever type you are, you all end up with those fucking little skins stuck between your teeth, yes.
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