These are the four types of couples at the dinner table and their frustrations, according to new research
Frustrations about household chores, big or small, can put considerable pressure on a relationship. New research* shows that things regularly get heated at home for 40 percent of so-called ‘DINKY couples’ (Dual Income, No Kids Yet), with noticeable consequences. According to relationship therapist Joey Steur, the solution lies in having (the right) conversations, and dinner seems to be the perfect moment for this: 40 percent of couples long for more connection during this daily ritual.
But how do you become skilled at communicating during conflict and proactively create more connection with your partner? Let’s take a closer look at this issue by examining the most common frustrations couples experience at the dinner table and sharing practical tips to turn dinner into a valuable moment together.
Frustrations at the dinner table
A partner who always leaves the refrigerator door open, ruins your good knife, lets milk boil over in saucepans and loads the dishwasher incorrectly; just draw on your own relationship and you’ll quickly come up with a few annoyances. Research shows that the division of household chores is a particular source of frustration. Thirty percent of couples feel that household tasks are divided unfairly, resulting in endless discussions. Dinner can therefore become a moment of tension rather than connection. And perhaps even worse: it ruins your appetite.
The invisible mental load in relationships
According to the research, 45 percent of respondents feel that their partner does not realize how much they manage around the house. This causes mental pressure and can result in frustration, less communication and even reduced intimacy (15 percent). These tensions can even lead to doubts about the relationship (7 percent) or physical distance, such as sleeping with their backs to each other (7 percent). Not exactly cozy!
So it turns out that it is not only the division of chores, or the partner who muddles through the household tasks, but also the lack of attention to each other’s feelings—especially during dinner—that causes the most frustration at the dinner table.
How do you create more connection during dinner?
According to Joey Steur, dinner is one of the few moments when couples can truly be together. Yet many couples would rather scroll on their phones (seriously?!) or watch TV during this moment of connection than have real conversations. But how can you make better use of this moment to create genuine connection?
Steur shares practical tips and distinguishes between four different dinner types. Each type has its own challenges, but there are always ways to turn frustrations into positive communication.
1. Heart-to-heart table talkers
This type of couple is good at having attentive conversations during dinner. They make up the 50 percent of all couples who use this moment to make genuine contact.
Joey’s tip: “Hold on to this moment! Keep investing in your connection, but remember that not every evening needs to involve a deep conversation. An occasional lighthearted chat is just as valuable.”
2. The planning-plates
For these couples, practical matters such as planning and work are often central. Although it makes sense to discuss these things, dinner can consequently remain superficial.
Joey’s tip: “Stay curious about each other and ask more personal questions from time to time. This keeps the conversation interesting and creates more connection, including beyond practical matters.”
3. Silent suppers
These couples often see dinner as a functional gathering where the main thing is simply to eat. This can make the occasion less convivial.
Joey’s tip: “Turn dinner into a mini ritual by taking a moment to tell each other what you appreciated about the other person that day. This can greatly improve the atmosphere.”
4. Eat, scroll, repeat
This type of couple often eats together but is constantly distracted by the television or their phones. This reduces the quality of their connection.
Joey’s tip: “Try eating at the table without screen distractions once or twice a week. This strengthens your bond with your partner and makes everyday moments more special.”
Eating together without tension
Whatever type you are… “Love is something you practice every day, including during the most ordinary moments, such as eating together,” says Steur. By regularly paying attention to each other, you can avoid tensions and ensure that your relationship stays strong.
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* commissioned by HelloFresh, 560 child-free couples aged 20–45 were asked about their frustrations around the household. This group is considered part of the so-called DINKYs: Dual Income, No Kids (Yet).
