An Ode to Processed Cheese Spread

With an expensive product or complicated preparation method, you can quickly impress everyone, but sometimes it’s a simple, humble product that you’re actually craving the most. Right? That’s why today we’re paying tribute to a hugely underrated spread: processed cheese spread.

Lunch in our editorial office is always well taken care of. Plenty of cheese, spreads and cold cuts to generously pile onto sandwiches, plus a variety of salads. My favorite days are the ones when Lianne—who makes lunch for us—suddenly strays from the beaten path and brings products from the supermarket that we don’t normally eat. Sometimes it’s cress, pure chocolate spread or festive sprinkles (with both white and milk chocolate!). A few months ago, it was processed cheese spread, and thankfully it has never disappeared from the rotation.

Kids’ Cheese

I think I hadn’t eaten processed cheese spread for at least ten years before that. As a child, I couldn’t get enough of it, but when your mother stops buying it for you, you kind of forget that it exists. I did, at least. Until it appeared on our lunch table. Now I eat it every weekday and I’ve never been happier.

Cheese you can spread—what more could anyone want? Colleagues sometimes add pickles, sambal or pesto, but I only spread processed cheese spread on my sandwich, so the wonderfully chemical taste can really shine. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll get tired of it, but every time I take a bite, I’m in seventh heaven all over again.

In the Line of Fire

Something you can buy for less than €0.40 can’t be good for you, and cheese isn’t spreadable anyway, right? And sure enough, when I look at the ingredients list, I see all kinds of E-numbers and melting salt. What the fuck is melting salt? I actually don’t care; I’ll keep spreading the processed cheese generously on my crackers and sandwiches. If this is what does me in, at least I’ll have died with my boots on.

All of Emma’s odes from 2018 in one overview