Eating a Banana in Public Always Feels a Little Pornographic
Adeline loves eating, a lot and often, both at home and out and about. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the Sunday Roast series, she shares her observations. This week: why eating bananas in public might not be such a good idea.
On the island where I lived, there was one last traffic light before you were allowed to leave. I had a red light, so I quickly peeled a banana behind the wheel. It was the same old same old routine: leaving home too late, quickly throwing a piece of fruit into my bag, waiting somewhat restlessly for the light to turn green. It could just as easily have been an apple, although I prefer bananas. I hungrily sank my teeth into the banana and, meanwhile, looked to the right—and that… I really shouldn’t have done that.
No bananas
Next to me were two male companions who made it very clear, with plenty of hand gestures, what they thought of me and my poor, poor banana. Because I was somewhat taken aback, there was also a bit of a delay, meaning I apparently sat there suggestively with the banana between my lips for even longer, much to the delight of the companions in question. As unfortunate and sad as it is, I have never eaten a banana in public again without first carefully breaking the yellow rascal into pieces. Into pieces, yes—let that sink in for a moment.
And you might think: why should you care? But try thinking that again while taking a big bite of a banana and looking a man in the eyes. And then try thinking it again while taking a big bite of a banana and looking two men in the eyes…
Or cucumbers
Cucumbers are another one. This week I was washing a cucumber in our office kitchen. To make the thing more manageable and less embarrassing (or so I thought), I cut it in half, which meant that (oh my goodness) I was actually washing two perfectly bite-sized pieces under the tap instead of one far-too-large monstrosity. In the presence of just a few too many colleagues, I once again made a somewhat snickering allusion to the cucumber, whereas if I hadn’t done that, they would simply have been cucumbers—and now they had suddenly become more than a cucumber. This also happens to me with random smoked sausages, hot dogs and large gherkins.
Sushi, another one…
Ever since the banana situation, I have been permanently aware of the shapes of what I consume in public, so I was happy that there was sushi on the table. Because what could go wrong with sushi? Until someone handed me a piece of sushi at drinks with two chopsticks, I figured transferring it would make a mess, and therefore opened my mouth… And well, this too did not go unnoticed.
People say that eating has an erotic effect. But I always thought that referred to aphrodisiac foods such as oysters and strawberries, rather than accidentally sitting there p… a banana. You get my point.
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