Eddie’s Dining Grievances: a plea against diminutives in the hospitality industry
Adeline loves food, a lot of it and often, both at home and out. Usually that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series “Eddie’s Dining Grievances”, she shares her amazement and frustrations about the hospitality industry. This week, she argues for a ban on irritating diminutives in restaurants and cafés.
A little chicken cooked in a little jus, brushed with a little spread and finally rolled in our little secret of the house. My stomach acid rises to my lips whenever a waiter is too liberal with diminutives. Officially, I should of course use diminutives here too, but I want you to really feel those ‘little’ endings. Diminutives only detract from what you’re dealing with.
A little table for two
You always know immediately upon entering. As soon as someone asks whether you’d like a little table for two, you know it’s gone wrong. Then comes the little menu, the little drink, and it only ends with the little dessert. To all the waiters in our country who use those fucking irritating diminutives: stop it!
What do I mean? Fine wine, good beer and a delicious dish simply deserve to get credit for what they are. If you start playing them down by making them smaller, they also taste a little (that’s just the word for it) less. Even though, of course, they aren’t any less delicious. Quite the contrary. But you’re still very much responsible for that, with your ‘little’ endings.
Stop using diminutives in the hospitality industry!
It’s almost as bad as the waiter who crouches down beside your table. With only their head rising above the edge, making you almost want to pat them approvingly. Never mind that they usually combine the two. A waiter crouching down is nine times out of ten a harbinger of downsizing wines, dishes, people and tables. In this case, that probably has something to do with the literal and figurative meaning. If the waiter makes themselves smaller, then naturally the words have to become smaller too.
Scared little coward
“So ladies, which little wine can I pour you a little glass of?” None, thank you, dear waiter. First of all, just stand up, and then I damn well want a large, good glass filled with a robust wine. No little wine. Not that I would ever actually say this, of course; I’m a scared little coward too, after all. That’s why I’m doing it this way.
Thanks in advance
Hoping you’ll pass it on. Although if you did, I’d deliberately do it at my own table, just to watch myself grind my teeth. That’s the kind of person I am too.
Also read:
- Waiters spill the beans: don’t eat this!
- You don’t have an allergy, you’re a pain in the ass
- Dear hospitality thieves, stop stealing
