Real life: this hospitality problem is getting in the way of our friendship
Sofie has been friends with Monica for years. But there is something she really cannot stand anymore: the way Monica treats hospitality staff. ‘I have now reached the point where I want to end our long-standing friendship because of this.’
‘Monica and I… we have known each other for years. We live near each other and although we do not constantly visit one another, we see each other quite often. Monica is hospitable, has a sense of humor and can cook incredibly well. That love of food is what connects us. We often exchange recipes and regularly go out for dinner together. And that is where the problem lies. Because the way Monica behaves toward hospitality staff… I find it appalling!
Too salty, too cold
Why does she do it? Every single time. It always starts so innocently. We go out for dinner, we laugh, we toast, and then… the change. The tone she adopts. That coldness in her voice, as if the waiter in question is nothing more than a machine that has to carry out her wishes. “This is already cold! This is too salty! What amateurish service!” she says, loudly enough for the staff to hear.
And I… I sit beside her. I give the waiter a weak smile, as a kind of compensation, as if that is enough to undo her behavior. But it feels as though I am failing. By saying nothing, I am agreeing with her rude behavior.
Tears in her eyes
It happened again recently. We were sitting in a fairly new restaurant where the staff were not quite organized yet. I knew that because I had seen quite a few online vacancies for serving staff. There was also a flyer on the toilet saying ‘staff wanted’. Monica came in cheerfully, but soon her dissatisfied attitude began to take over. A young girl wanted to take her glass from the table, which still had a drop of wine in it. The TONE she used! How unprofessional to take her glass away! Did the girl even know how expensive a glass of wine is these days!
My stomach clenched when I saw that girl’s expression. A young waitress, probably in her first job or on her first day of work. She stood there with a tray in her trembling hands, and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to laugh it off, but I saw it. SHE did not. Or perhaps she did, but did not care – even worse.
I wondered why I keep spending time with someone who behaves like that. But the difficult thing is, she can also be so sweet. And so funny. She is always there when I need her too, I have to admit. But what does it say about people if they are only kind to people they consider their equals? And what does it say about ME that I have turned a blind eye to it all this time?
Guilt
Of course, I am not responsible for her behavior. But every time I remain silent, I feel it gnawing at me. A small, toxic sense of guilt that keeps growing. And that girl in the restaurant… I can still see her in front of me. It is as if I let her down.
I have considered it, you know. Confronting her. Just saying: “Do you know how unkind you are? How uncomfortable you make me feel?” But every time I think ‘now I am going to do it, now I am going to say something’, I do not dare. I know it is cowardly. If you avoid conflicts, you are essentially a silent accomplice. Besides, I am afraid she will say that I am exaggerating, or that she will not even want to understand it…
But how long can I keep accepting this? How long can I continue to look at myself in the mirror? How long before I become part of that behavior? And if I am honest… do I even still want to be friends with someone who has so little respect for other people? Does it really have to escalate before I find the courage to intervene? I already know my New Year’s resolution: confront Monica – even if it costs us our long-standing friendship.’
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Sofie’s name has been changed for privacy reasons. Her real name is known to the editorial team. Would you also like to share a personal story (anonymously!)? You can email us at info@favorflav.com
