Real life: Jacky’s husband cheated, so she took revenge with this dish
‘Watch out with him, he’s a real Casanova,’ my friends said when I got to know G. But when he brought his irresistible charm into play, there was no turning back.’ Of course he cheated—that much Jacky knew. Frequently. With this dish, she took revenge.
His personally tailored compliments, little gestures and kisses as if it were his life’s mission… I quickly succumbed to his siege. Of course I did. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t fall for such a catch? As quickly became clear, not a single one. G. cheated, always had.
With garlic and melted cheese
Secretly, and when that didn’t work, less secretly. I didn’t dare make an issue of it, afraid of the consequences. By then we had twins together, and as the child of divorced parents, I wanted to do better. Besides, if you’re exposed to something for long enough, you get used to it.
So I told myself that, disregarding the slip-ups, I actually had a pretty good marriage. G. helped with the housework, was sweet to the children and cooked regularly. He liked everything with garlic and melted cheese.
Impossible to swallow
He did more than the men I knew from my friends’ stories. Outside the home too, unfortunately. G. always felt that another woman was better, more fun and prettier than his own wife. In recent years, it got worse and worse. To put it bluntly, he stuck his dick in everyone’s business.
He did it with women he met through work, with at least two women he knew from padel and, one sexual faux pas too many, with my favorite cousin as well. When my GP diagnosed me with pubic lice not long afterward, that was the last straw. I was both furious and disgusted, and it truly wasn’t easy to swallow this.
Nibbling on every delicacy
Some people burst into tears at such extraordinarily unpleasant news; others remain cool-headed and feel a burning desire to repay injustice with injustice. I belong to the latter category. Not very classy, I know. But this dish would not be served cold. Ha! Strangely enough, the idea popped into my head immediately.
That afternoon, I had been working in the garden, eradicating ground elder, and came across quite a few pests, such as fat worms and slugs. Harmless and often useful little creatures that also cause their fair share of trouble. They emerge secretly at night and nibble on every delicacy they encounter along the way. Just like G., really.
Through the blender
Luckily, I hadn’t been too rigorous in my pest control, and I easily managed to gather a few worms, some earwigs, a handful of woodlice and a shell-less snail. Just as effortlessly, I put my ecological find into my, how painfully appropriate, new Beast blender. I added a can of tomato purée, a whole clove of garlic and some olive oil. A strange excitement ran through me as I heated the pasta sauce.
Mix well
Then I put a pan of water on the stove. I ground some sea salt from the mill, using so much force that my knuckles turned white. As the kitchen window fogged up, new aromas spread through the house. Once the spaghetti was cooked and drained, I put it in the pan with the sauce so the ingredients could mix well together.
Ultimate revenge dish: spaghetti gardino
I quickly ate a pancake with the children. They were already in bed when G. came home a few hours later. He enthusiastically walked into the kitchen. He loosened his tie. I said I had already eaten with the children, but that I had made pasta for him that only needed reheating. ‘Lovely, darling,’ he replied, as I generously grated cheese over his pasta. ‘I’d love a glass of wine with that.’ He poured one for me too.
I didn’t have to force a smile. ‘Dig in,’ I said, after which we toasted together to his special Spaghetti gardino. Eagerly, he spooned food from his steaming plate. Every now and then he groaned, a sign that words failed him.
Read also:
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- Real life: Samantha has misophonia and can never eat out
