Snacking According to Your Zodiac Sign
Which snack suits you? It’s written in the stars. Pisces go for veggie burgers, the tough Taurus only feels truly happy with a berenhap on their plate, and sensitive Virgos only enjoy artisanal fries.
Capricorn
Capricorns are reliable, mature and disciplined. You’re not very likely to run into them at Friet van Piet or snack bar De Vluchtheuvel, because a little Goat eats healthily and never too much. But put a tasty croquette in front of a Capricorn and they can’t control themselves. Preferably a real beef croquette, with a little coarse mustard, please.
Aquarius
Full of imagination, funny and contrary, almost to the point of eccentricity: that’s typical Aquarius. Which snack? That changes faster than the weather. One moment falafel is absolutely amazing, then they discover vlammetjes and order one portion after another. Don’t make things difficult—that’s Aquarius’s snack motto.
Pisces
Global deforestation, climate change and plastic soup: it really weighs heavily on Pisces. They’re a true woolly-sock-wearing eco type, with all their sensitivity and spirituality. So don’t be surprised if they ask for a veggie burger. And then hand their own lunchbox to the bewildered chip-shop worker to put the burger in, to avoid litter.
Aries
Whose turn is it to order? Before you can blink, Aries has already placed their order. A bit of a fusspot, that Aries. They’re equally unashamed about their snack preferences: a frikandel speciaal, with curry, not ketchup. Large fries on the side, mayo separately, please. That’s it. And only once they can take two warm bags do they ask: oh, did you want something too?
Taurus
Taurus is the gourmand of the zodiac. Michelin-starred restaurant or urban Dutch chip shop, it makes no difference. They’ve tasted and judged everything. Their favourite? A berenhap, thanks to the lovely balance between savoury minced meat, sweet onion and spicy peanut sauce. Is the peanut sauce homemade? And the meatballs too? Then make it two, since we’re here anyway.
Gemini
Changeable and emotional—that’s Gemini. Emotional eating seems to have been invented by this star sign. They often cycle to the snack bar just before closing to comfort their sad little stomach with something salty and greasy. They have no particular preference for frikandel, fries with mayo or veal croquette, but if someone orders a huzarensalade with their snacks, you can bet your life they’re a Gemini.
Cancer
Cancer never eats alone, but always with a whole group of friends, family or vague acquaintances they only met in the children’s playground. For ten euros’ worth of fries, five croquettes, five kipcorns and five lihanboutjes are wrapped in a large bath towel inside the shopping bag, so everything stays warm on the way home. At home, Cancer dumps everything onto a large serving tray on the table and shouts: attack!
Leo
Party! Going out with Leo! That means cocktail after cocktail, a karaoke bar and clubbing, followed by a greasy snack on the way home. A large shawarma goes down nicely, preferably with lots of hot red sauce and a large glass of milk. All finished? Leo has energy for ten again—could there be somewhere else that’s still open?
Virgo
Of course this has to happen to Virgo: there’s a cigarette butt in their spring roll, their chicken nuggets are still frozen inside and they’re allergic to peas—are those in the bamischijf? Snacking is difficult with such a fussy star sign plagued by food disasters, but when push comes to shove, they choose real Belgian fries in a paper cone from one of those alternative snack bars where they don’t peel the potatoes.
Libra
John Lennon and George Gershwin were famous Libras, and that tells you everything. A kaassoufflé, then, for these artistic and aesthetically minded types. The kaassoufflé calls for an excellent sense of timing to determine when the filling’s temperature has dropped from searingly hot to suitable for human consumption.
Scorpio
Maybe it’s not kind to say, but it’s true: Scorpio is the most jealous star sign in the zodiac. So wait to see what Scorpio orders and get the same thing—that prevents a lot of trouble. Once Scorpio feels safe and comfortable, they usually choose satay on a bread roll. Only to look a little unhappily at your chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce anyway.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius isn’t afraid to experiment. They love ordering something they’ve never eaten before. Frietei? Throw one in the fryer. Mexicano? Sitostick? Smulrol? Pikanto? Knoeperd? Loempidel? Hete donder? Sagittarius isn’t afraid and simply orders the lot. With Joppiesaus, if possible.
This astrological nonsense is in no way scientifically substantiated or checked with experts. And yet you recognise yourself and your friends in it—surely that can’t be a coincidence?
Also read:
- The most popular dessert in the year you were born
- 18 recipes you should know by the time you’re thirty
- The year you were born in food
