Snackspert’s week: ‘No, this isn’t a cheerfully decorated dick’
Eke Bosman, better known as Instagram phenomenon @snackspert, ate his first frikandel as a baby, hates Vlammetjes, has devoured at least 1,000 burgers in his life, suspects there is more mayonnaise in his body than blood, and from today onwards will share his best and worst snack reviews every other week on FavorFlav.
Better than pleasure
AH Excellent Ultimate Smokey Beefburger
It really is extremely rare for me to give a supermarket product five stars. It’s not that supermarket food is disgusting, but it simply doesn’t give you that wow feeling very often. But that has changed! After weeks of indoctrination and propaganda from one Mr. @FrankDane538, I decided to buy it after all. What’s more: it was sold out at two Albert Heijn stores, but third time’s the charm, and after half an hour of searching I had the Albert Heijn ‘Excellent Ultimate Smokey Beefburger’. And just as Frank was right when predicting Duncan Laurence’s victory, he is also right about this burger: it is fan-tas-tic. No, it doesn’t taste like the best burger you’ve ever eaten, but for 1.49 euros I’ve never had such delicious meat in my mouth. The taste of smoked paprika carries all the way through to your intestines, and that’s a lovely feeling. And what makes this burger even better: you don’t actually need any butter or oil. The meat is already juicy enough to fry. And it stays so tender. Only the best burgers can do that. Seriously, Albert Heijn, you have a gem on your hands. In terms of value for money, that is—let’s make that clear. Right. So the advice for next weekend is: throw this on the grill, and everyone will say: yes, I want one. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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?: Albert Heijn
?: @albertheijn
?: 1.49 euros
VJFB Beyond Sausage
No, people, this is not a photo of a cheerfully decorated dick, taken during an LSD trip at Woodstock in 1969. No, this is something else. Vegan Junk Food Bar is always enthusiastic about decorating its dishes, and honestly: their vegan snacks are generally much better than those at the average snack bar. And also quite a bit more expensive, but if it’s truly excellent, then it’s worth the money. The great thing is that new dishes are constantly being introduced, and this time it’s the Beyond Sausage’s turn. That’s right, a vegan hot dog. And it’s huuuge! Seriously, man. Generously topped with spring onion, aioli and mustard, and it comes in a lovely snug bun. The ‘meat’, however, scares me: it genuinely tastes like a bratwurst. No joke. You’d almost think I owned shares in this place, but then again: have you ever seen me driving a Ferrari? Exactly. No. Yes, it’s a little expensive, but this is yet another completely new experience and a revolutionary dish. I am genuinely to-tally enthusiastic. Again. Living up to the hype: not everyone can do it, but VJFB can. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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?: Vegan Junk Food Bar, Amsterdam
?: @veganjunkfoodbar
?: 12.50 euros or so, yes, I ordered more alongside it
Food for the toilet
Mixed fried snacks at ‘t Boemeltje
Someone commented yesterday under my five-star review of Vegan Junk Food Bar: “yeah, great for you, but I want something disgusting,” and if you ask for it, you get it. This review had been saved on my phone for a while, in case there ever came a period when I did actually treat myself to tasty food every time. In Almere, at ‘t Boemeltje, you have a beautiful view of the street art by @kampseedorf and it’s a good thing that it’s there, because the mixed fried snacks at this place are one big soggy mess. The bitterballen fall apart, the Vlammetjes taste like the third wheel, the little frikandels have been left in the fryer so long that they subsequently have to see a doctor because they no longer wanted to get hard, and the chicken nuggets have about as much flavor as a Love Island contestant. In short, don’t do it, guys—just go eat something else. ⭐️
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?: ‘t Boemeltje, Almere
?: n/a
?: 10.50 euros for 12 pieces
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