7 things the waiting staff really shouldn’t do
Some restaurant guests really don’t know how to behave, it’s true. But sometimes the waiting staff in the hospitality industry also show a rather strange side. A quick round-up in the editorial office produced seven points that made us think: not cool, just don’t.
From all sides, we hear stories about hospitality workers that make your hair stand on end. People who put prawns in their mouths shell and all, ask whether mint tea contains gluten and – the pièce de résistance – order a Hawaiian toastie without pineapple. On the other hand, things sometimes go wrong there too: lovely restaurant guests occasionally have to deal with the strangest behaviour from staff. And because we thought this might happen accidentally or unconsciously, we’re making this list with a friendly request to the waiting staff: please don’t do that. Additions welcome!
#1 Daycare-centre tone
Editor-in-chief Sharon happened not to be working in the editorial office for once, but somewhere in a coffee shop. The cake she ordered turned out not to be okay, and before she fainted from hunger while waiting for the next order, she took a few nuts from her bag. ‘Suddenly, a member of the waiting staff was standing next to me: I don’t think it’s very polite of you to eat your own nuts here, ma’am! It was just a few nuts, you know; it’s not as if I was eating a packed lunch I’d brought with me – and then that tone of voice! As if I were being called to account like a toddler at a daycare centre.’ The request: no tone of voice as if you’re talking to toddlers, thank you (and just give Sharon a delicious cake when she’s hangry; that helps too).
#2 My colleague will be with you shortly
Scene: you’re sitting on the terrace, someone walks past wearing an apron and you think: great, I can order. So you make eye contact and wave, and then you hear: ‘My colleague will be with you shortly; this isn’t my section.’ Quite a bit annoying. How you handle things administratively doesn’t seem like the guests’ problem to me. Not nice!
#3 ‘Thank you’ isn’t that difficult
Delilah: ‘I hate it when I pick up coffee, pay by card and say “make it four” and the barista or person behind the till doesn’t say thank you or even deign to look at me. I’d really like to say, “You know what? Just give me that euro back. You figure out how to deal with it.” So what you really HAVE to say as waiting staff when you simply have a normal person in front of you: thank you.’
#4 Not quite so chummy
Of course everything is informal and relaxed in the hospitality industry, especially on a pleasant terrace or in the pub. But calling guests ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ straight away? No, better not.
#5 It’s 2021 already
Some waiting staff seem to have been born not in 2021, but in 1921. How can you tell? Try paying the bill as a woman and you may get comments that seem to have come straight out of a crackling Polygoon newsreel. ‘Well, aren’t you lucky!’ your male table companion hears from the waiter. With a filthy wink thrown in, if you’re lucky. Helloooo, the last century called; they’d like their traditional division of roles back.
#6 Automatic date
Since we’re on the subject: a man and a woman sitting together at a table does not automatically mean it’s a date. What’s the story, Lauretta? ‘I was having a drink with a male friend. The female member of the waiting staff asked whether we’d had a nice date.’ Maybe she was checking whether the man in question was zu haben? Or is that sexist too?
#7 No Pepsi, please
Let’s take a poll: who can taste the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola? ‘If you order a Coke and the waiting staff ask, “We have Pepsi, is that okay too?”, that’s a bit strange, isn’t it? No one can taste the difference when you’re as dehydrated as the Sahara.’ But no, there are plenty of people who would rather drink nothing at all, or the murky water from the flower vase on the table. What do the readers think?
