De Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk #4

In De Nieuwe Lekkerbek, a professional jury searches for the Netherlands’ next taste sensation. It’s kind of like Idols, but with food, which can only result in a whole lot of entertainment. What exactly goes through my mind during an episode like that? I write it all down for you every week.

The final audition day already, before we head to the final. What a shame—I would have loved to see many more of those adorably nervous people, but perhaps the finalists will be even more nervous next week. Can’t wait! This week’s theme was dogs, at any rate. Everyone suddenly brought their loyal hound into the audition room for extra support? How cozy.

1. Maja has a cow-udder croquette? Did I hear that correctly? It does fit in nicely with the deep-frying trend that comes up in every episode. But cow udder? I’m very curious about this.
2. With her description of her smoked-sausage meatballs, is Arlette trying—anything but subtly—to become the Dutch, red-haired Nigella Lawson? ‘Then I feel the juices running into my mouth,’ she says, almost starting to moan. Arlette, honey, you should leave something to the imagination. ‘Then you swallow it with the sauce.’ Wow. It reminds me a little of the brilliantly edited Nigella talks dirty, except nothing needs editing here.

3. Oh, Robert has come up with a new line for the intro video. “I want to see a dish that is readable and calls out to me.” What exactly am I supposed to imagine when it comes to a readable dish? When will Robert ever start speaking in language anyone understands? He has one week left.
4. Ooh, ice cream for after working out! If this tastes good, it seems like a real top product to me. A nice change from that tub of quark I usually force down. ‘I do like working out and I do it often.’ ‘Yeah, I actually don’t.’ Points for honesty!
5. Uh, Maarten, what you’re holding there isn’t a jalapeño, it’s simply a red chili pepper.
6. Arlette has also brought a cooking tweezer (?!) to roll her smoked-sausage meatballs through the fat? You’re not Joris Bijdendijk! Not that he would ever use tweezers to stir something in a pan. If you ask me, Arlette needs to take several steps back. Those meatballs do look delicious, though.
7. Maja becomes more likable by the second; now she’s bringing her dog Katootje to the audition. Isn’t this just the cutest? She’s so nervous, too, but she has such a great story. Leftover processing all around, I love Maja.
8. Alain: ‘Can I have two udders?’ Alain is also becoming more likable by the second, haha. What a star.
9. I don’t quite understand Maarten’s ‘product.’ Pulled chicken with dill-avocado cream and peppers. This isn’t a product at all, is it? It’s a starter at a restaurant that doesn’t know whether it’s American or French, or whether it’s barbecue or shared dining. How on earth are you going to sell this, and to whom? This is also the first time I agree with Robert, who is raising some very big question marks about the balsamic cream. Yuck.
10. Yes! Thank you, Daan! This is definitely not chipotle!
11. Butter with cannabis oil—are we going to get those laughing fits again like last week after the immortality meatballs?
12. Rob, stop being so vague with the ‘blossom of a plant from Indonesia.’ Come on, man. Sugar is sugar.
13. Pofferstokken, what a fantastic entrance with that banner! Too bad nobody runs through it like they do at a marathon. Hopefully later, once they get through. This can’t be anything other than a top product, of course.
14. Vegan cookies that people can eat, but dogs can too? Eww, why? And why do dogs suddenly have to be vegan as well? Will it never end?
15. Haha Rob, Janny has figured you out. You just bought coconut blossom sugar at the supermarket, didn’t you? I looked it up, by the way, and coconut blossom sugar contains 95 percent sugar instead of the 100 percent found in regular granulated sugar—and even has more calories. How is this diabetes-proof?
16. Alain hits the nail on the head again: ‘But I don’t have a dog, so what am I supposed to do with this cookie?’ ‘Anyone can simply eat this cookie.’ I think I’ll just go for a Jan Hagel. Or a jodenkoek, or a kletskop, hmm.
17. Virginia’s roti snack is truly the best thing I’ve ever seen, a kind of roti roll but in bao pao size. Virginia herself is also wonderful, so delightfully indifferent. ‘Well, what do you want to call it? Just call it whatever you want.’ Delightfully well thought-out.
18. The jury is also raising its questions about Rob’s diabetes fudge. Fortunately, Albert and Daniel are here now with their machine, which they brought all the way from Brazil. Sorry, but surely this can’t be anything other than a massive hit at the local market or at (food) festivals? I can totally picture it. It’s so Dutch and so quaint, exactly what we need!
19. How can those dog cookies possibly get through? Surely absolutely nobody is waiting for this? Can I be on the jury next year?
20. Oh, it’s not over yet—we’re getting the wildcard. It really is just like Idols.
21. Jesus, Willem has now also added soft sheep’s cheese to his goat’s cheese soufflé. How wonderful! Surely he has to win now?
22. Why is Jelle suddenly serving his vegetable paint with chicken fingers?! Last time it was a sweet breakfast, and now fried chicken? That paint is then just as healthy as that leaf of lettuce on your Big Mac.
23. Ah, thankfully Ronald’s paella disc made it through. Finally justice! It seems like a fantastic party snack or late-night snack to me. Maybe he’ll win next week!

More Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk?

• De Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk #1
• De Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk #2
• De Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk #3
• De Nieuwe Lekkerbek-talk #5

Want to watch the episode again? You can do that here.