Emma’s food pet peeves: avocado abuse

I eat often, a lot and with great pleasure, and then I regularly notice things. Usually they’re positive things, but it also often happens that something annoys me to no end. Whether that’s justified or not, sometimes I just need to vent. Hence this column: Emma’s food pet peeves. Something that I may have been annoyed by most of all in recent years is avocado abuse.

I don’t like avocado. There, I said it. With every bite, all I taste is queasy fat. Although I can easily (and very happily) get through a generous slice of duck liver terrine and think mayonnaise goes with every dish, the fatty texture of an avocado is intensely off-putting to me. With the single exception of guacamole, I stay away from avocado whenever possible. Something that’s becoming more difficult by the day.

Whereas I first thought the avocado hype would blow over, I’m now afraid it’s going to last a while. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to discourage anyone from ordering avocado toast alongside a flat white at their favorite lunch spot. And you should absolutely add a few cubes to your salad. But in my view, it goes far, far too far to cut an avocado in half and use it as a replacement for a hamburger bun. Even the biggest avocado lover cannot think this is tasty. It simply isn’t possible.

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And why would anyone ever replace the perfect accompaniment to eggs Benedict—the English muffin—with an avocado? An avocado in itself is already too much to eat in one go, let alone topping it with two poached eggs and hollandaise sauce. The fatter the better is a motto I live by, but this is no longer enjoyable for anyone. I suspect all so-called avocado lovers order this nonsense just to post it on Instagram, then take only two bites.

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Maybe I’m bitter because so many perfectly good sandwiches of mine have been ruined by an avocado. The mushy substance immediately rubs off on all the other ingredients too, making it impossible to make your sandwich 100 percent avocado-free. But what bothers me most about this trend is that appearance matters more than taste. Food should be delicious first, and beautiful second. An avocado rose may be photogenic, but come on: It isn’t actually tasty at all, is it?