‘The ice is too cold’ and more bizarre statements from restaurant guests
Working in hospitality? It’s not just about going all out in the kitchen or rushing around on the terrace – it’s also a daily stage play full of bizarre, funny and sometimes downright absurd comments from guests. Sophie has been happily working in restaurants for ten years and has collected an impressive repertoire of unforgettable statements. You’ll want to read these.
I love working in hospitality. I enjoy it so much that, even after ten years, I still haven’t had enough. Some comments do cause frustration, though. That frustration may seep through here and there in this article. But hey, are we allowed to have our moment too?
The most bizarre statements from restaurant guests
Making lettuce
‘Do you also have a green salad?’ ‘No, unfortunately, we don’t have any lettuce in the house.’ ‘Yes, but surely the chef can just make some?’ Of course, give me a bowl, some potting soil and two or three months and I’ll grow some lettuce for you, no problem.
Chablis
‘I don’t like chardonnay, I’ll have Chablis.’ Chablis is a region where wine is made from the chardonnay grape. So Chablis is chardonnay. Of course, it’s not strange at all if you don’t know this, but it’s always a little funny when guests make this comment so emphatically and confidently.
Salt
The definition of ‘well-seasoned’ reconsidered: ‘The dish is very well-seasoned, but it’s missing salt.’ Um, yes ma’am, I’ll pass that on.
Cappuccino
According to many Italians, a cappuccino after a meal is a cardinal sin. The milk makes you feel extra full, and they simply don’t want to do that to you. This lady was apparently told off in Italy once when she ordered a cappuccino after dinner and thinks she learned from it: ‘A cappuccino, please. Oh no, that’s not done after a meal, is it? I’ll have a latte instead.’ You understand: a latte is even worse.
Viognier
Sweet and interested, but simply very funny: ‘Are you the viognier here?’ The guest meant: sommelier – the person in charge of the wine. Viognier is a grape variety. So the guest accidentally asked whether my colleague was a grape.
Somali
Accidentally extremely racist: ‘That Somali of yours is no good.’ The guest meant sommelier here too. It is a difficult word.
Ice
This comment caused a great mix of emotions: ‘The ice is too cold.’ After a comment like that, you have to laugh (very loudly), cry (a little), feel surprised and genuinely have no idea what on earth you’re supposed to do about it.
Carbonation, you know, those bubbles
‘There’s an awful lot of fizz in this Spa Rood.’ Is Spa Blauw an option, sir?
Wine preference
Naturally, you always try to pour someone the wine they’ll enjoy most. Taste is subjective, so sometimes you need some guidance from the guest. Which wine do you like to drink? Which region? In general, do you prefer sauvignon blanc or chardonnay? Once we have the answers to these questions, we can look for the perfect bottle for you. This answer gives us absolutely nothing to work with: In response to the question ‘Do you have a preference for a grape or a country?’ the answer was: ‘Grape.’ We did have a good laugh about it.
Hot
It’s 30 degrees. In the afternoon, the phone rings: ‘Are you fully booked tonight?’ ‘No, we still have a table available for you.’ ‘Oh, then it must be very hot at your place, so I won’t come!’ … Sorry, but can someone tell me how this conversation could possibly have gone well?
Lactose allergy
Okay, this one belongs in the frustration category. At the start of the evening, someone says: ‘I have a lactose allergy.’ No problem, we lovingly adapt the dishes and make sure you have a delicious meal. But then, when dessert is ordered a few hours later: ‘I’ll have the cheesecake.’ That is strange, to put it mildly. So you don’t have a lactose allergy and you’ve unnecessarily made the entire kitchen brigade work their asses off to prepare new dishes à la minute. You shouldn’t do that. Believe me, you cause a great deal of stress and frustration this way. If you really are allergic, we’re of course ready to sort it out for you – we’re happy to do so. But we’re allergic to fake allergies.
Friends of the owner
Funny and a little embarrassing: people who pull rank by claiming they know the owners so well. ‘We’re fully booked tonight, sorry.’ ‘Yes, but I know Frank and Wilma very well.’ ‘Aha, do you mean the owners Frans and Wilke?’ I don’t think you know them quite as well as you claim.
Hunger
‘Two steaks, please.’ ‘How would you like the steak cooked?’ Guest 1: ‘Medium-rare.’ Guest 2: ‘Make mine XL, I’m really hungry.’ Okay sir, I’ll find the biggest piece for you, but how would you like it cooked?
Panzanella
After ordering a panzanella salad: ‘I think there’s rather a lot of bread in my salad.’ Well, sir, that is the main ingredient in this kind of salad. You shouldn’t order a bread roll with beef sausage and then complain that there’s an awful lot of beef sausage on it either. You get the idea.
Gluten-free
Here’s another source of frustration: ‘Do you have gluten-free bread? Oh, and a beer.’ No. That doesn’t work, because (almost all) beer contains gluten.
Never boring
Whether you work in hospitality yourself or simply often sit on the other side of the bar: after these gems, you understand that life for hospitality workers is never boring. And if you’re going out for dinner soon… show your waiting staff some extra love (and leave a good tip), they deserve it.
Thanks to all the guests I’ve served over the past ten years for their input for this article, and to all my colleagues who helped me remember these statements.
Read also:
