Types at the Christmas Table
Ah, Christmas. That wonderful time filled with visits to family. Nothing is cozier than an elaborate meal with the family. Except an elaborate meal without the whole family. At least, if you have these types sitting at the Christmas table.
Yes, Christmas… it can be quite stressful, can’t it? All that Christmas etiquette you have to follow, all that showing off in the kitchen (it can be easier with these corny Christmas classics!), overpriced Christmas groceries (here’s how to avoid them!) and all those other Christmas frustrations. And we haven’t even mentioned those types at the Christmas table yet…
These are the types at the Christmas table everyone recognizes
1. The dieter
They meticulously pick the potatoes out of your side dish, settle for a drop of sauce, leave all the crusts and leave the bowl of chocolates untouched. In between, you hear ‘that’ll make me fat’ so often that you start having doubts yourself. So uncozy—December is the worst month to panic about food (something you should never do anyway). But then again, are there months when dieting is appropriate?
2. The food snob
They stir and smell everything on the table, but would rather stand just a little too close to you in the kitchen. This guest is difficult to please, because by definition the food snob can cook better, with better ingredients, than you can. The food snob annoys you endlessly with comments like, ‘Oh, how funny—you use stock cubes? I always make my stock myself.’ Is the food snob coming over? Then you get an inferiority complex thrown in for free. To beat them to it this year: buy gravy from a Michelin-starred chef, pretend you made it yourself and they’ll keep quiet forever.
3. The stressed-out hostess
She never sits still. In fact, she never sits down, because she is constantly busy with her guests. From pouring drinks to rescuing dropped cutlery and keeping children quiet. This woman feels responsible for the entire Christmas spirit worldwide. Oh, and the annoying version of the stressed-out hostess complains endlessly before and after the meal, but puts on a radiant mask as soon as the guests arrive.
4. The boozehound
The boozehound always peaks too early. When everyone is still eating the starter (and their second drink), the boozehound has already had five. And somehow the wine seems to evaporate, because the boozehound slurps through your entire supply. The result? If things turn out positively: hilarious stories and memorable scenes. If they go the other way, expect embarrassing conversations and an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. Some people make you wish they would start Dry January in December already…
5. The student
The student eats enough for an entire army, because at home there is only dry bread left. Naturally, the student is hungover, and in their hoarse voice informs the family about the trials and tribulations of student society and their academic progress. At the end of the evening, all the leftovers go home in Tupperware. You might almost think the student has no money, but nothing could be further from the truth, because stories about sushi nights and pub crawls come up suspiciously often.
6. The person who likes nothing
And to top it all off: the tablemate who likes nothing. Absolutely nothing. Horrible. Especially for the stressed-out hostess who has tried so hard. And also for the person sitting opposite them, because nothing is as boring as watching someone who likes nothing.
Also read:
- The Christmapolitan is the cocktail you want to make this Christmas
- Classic Chinese recipe: pancakes with Peking duck
- An ode to gourmet dining
