7 restaurant reviews written while drunk

Useful sites such as Yelp, TripAdvisor and even Google can help you when you’re looking for a restaurant somewhere. Read the reviews, check the stars and you’ll know what to expect. Except when you come across these bizarre reviews. ‘Why am I not allowed to bring my mongoose into the restaurant? And I asked for a massage, but I got a pizza.’

Yelp isn’t that well known in Europe, but it’s much more popular in the United States. Enter your destination and voilà, you get a whole list of restaurants, lunch spots and coffee shops, complete with stars and reviews. Handy for checking where you want to eat tonight and where you can get a latte nearby. But if you scroll and click around a little, you’ll discover that some people write their reviews drunk and stoned , because there are some very strange texts among them.

Time for an ice cream

All the kitchen staff and everyone serving customers ran outside when the ice cream man passed by. Ten minutes later, everyone came strolling back in, all with an ice cream cone. I simply don’t believe this really happened!
Ross, Brooklyn

What was in your glass, dude?

What a terrible place. The pizza was far too flat. No cheeseburgers could be put on it as a topping. They wouldn’t accept the money I had made myself. There aren’t enough toilets for an entire football team. I asked for a massage, but I got a pizza. And why isn’t my mongoose allowed inside? They didn’t even have food for the little creature. When I wanted to take the pizza with me, they put it in a box that was far too horizontal. So I held it vertically, and the entire pizza got mixed up. It’s their fault that gravity is too heavy for my pizza.
Curt, San Antonio

Ahhh, the romance

I went here with my date because I really wanted it to be the last date. But the food was delicious and fresh. No one was rude to my date, which made me furious, because I was actually counting on that a little. And the worst part: they don’t make curry pizza. What kind of pizzeria doesn’t serve curry pizza? Come on, guys, keep up.
Hoc, Monterey Park

12 reviews in which restaurant owners hit back hard

Healthy

It’s nice that you’re helping me stay at a healthy weight.
(Review of a McDonald’s)
Yasmin, San Francisco

Ugh, what a stinking mess

I’m writing this review from the restaurant’s toilet. I’ve been sitting here for two hours because I have diarrhea. I ordered a steak salad because it would take a very long time before I could eat chicken. Well, I certainly paid for that: it’s spraying out and I have cramps. I’m still giving three stars, though, because the guacamole was very tasty.
Jared, Ciermont

Impossible

Don’t go to this restaurant if you want to lose weight. The food is flavorful and you’ll want to eat your entire plate. Are you on a diet? Then don’t come here. And if you’re a little grumpy, you’d better not come here either: everyone on the staff tries to cheer you up. If you like dirty, unpleasant, stinking and unhygienic restaurants, then this is not the place for you.
Eric, San Francisco

A classic

I ate here and ended up in the emergency room a few hours later. That says enough.
Lauren, San Francisco

Also read:

• Kakhiel’s Thuisbezorgd reviews will make you cry (with laughter)
• The most bizarre restaurant review
• Snackspert: you also just feel like writing a brutally critical review

Source: SoYummy