Bloody annoying: Albert Heijn’s random checks at the self-checkouts

Iris has had enough. Those irritating random checks at Albert Heijn’s self-checkouts: ‘Self-scanning has become a game of Russian roulette. You’re standing there, neatly scanning your products and fitting everything precisely into your bag, because nobody wants a carton of milk on top of a head of lettuce. But then comes the beep when you want to pay. “Random check selected.” And that’s when the annoyance really begins.’

‘For many people, the self-checkout is the epitome of efficiency, the promise of doing your shopping quickly without social interaction and without an annoying cashier who seizes every opportunity for a chat to drag things out. You dash through Albert Heijn, scan your groceries like a seasoned warehouse worker and feel like an invisible customer. I admit it: I often love this. Until… you get picked. And suddenly that shopping trip takes a lot longer, with twice the annoyance as a result.

Then comes the Albert Heijn employee with the checking device. They see you standing there with your random-check notification and head your way with a look that says: “Ah, I knew you had a suspicious face.” As if you were standing there with a bag full of stolen Lavazza coffee pods and French butter instead of biodegradable dishwasher detergent capsules. Maybe it’s just me, but the Appie’s checkers seem to have been selected for this task – at least in my town. Never the kindred spirits who understand that it’s annoying, but the ‘rules are rules’ types who walk around with such a smug look, as if they’d love to get a pat on the back from the boss after every workday. Because they’ve picked someone out again and thus prevented the boss from missing out on any sales.

Eleven products?!

And then there’s that exaggeratedly cheerful tone: “Good afternoon! I’m going to check eleven products.”  Eleven products have to come out. Not ten, not five. No, ELEVEN. Apparently that’s the minimum number needed to convince Albert Heijn that you’re not a criminal. And what timing, too. That time when you have a bag full of delicate vegetables, heavy cans and a box of moorkoppen? That becomes quite a puzzle. And of course, it’s always the things at the bottom. Because random-check software apparently has a sixth sense for which products will cause the most hassle.

There you stand – suddenly extremely aware of your body language. You try to look as innocent as possible, but not too innocent either, because then you look suspicious. You stand there like some kind of robot: don’t smile, don’t frown, stay neutral. Try calmly explaining why you have a €2 discount while that overzealous employee studies your receipt as if it were a scientific dissertation. “Yes, but I had two bags of pasta, they’re on a buy-one-get-one-free deal, right? And those nuts have a 35% sticker…” Meanwhile, you can feel the eyes of the queue behind you burning into your back.

The customers at the self-checkouts next to you look at you as if you’ve just been caught committing a crime. Some even seem secretly pleased that they weren’t selected. Others stare with a mixture of pity and schadenfreude. Yes, hello, I’m also just a victim of the system!

Proving that you’re honest

And there it is: the ultimate moment of justice. Everything is correct. You scanned everything neatly, and every product has been paid for. And yet a kind of bitter taste remains. You feel as though you’ve had to prove yourself, while you’re simply an honest customer. And then comes the inevitable: everything has to go back into your bag. But of course it no longer fits the way it did before. Because packing groceries is an art. The wine bottle is now leaning against the tomatoes, and the moorkoppen have partly lost their chocolate because of all the shaking.

Bullying

Albert Heijn, what’s the point? Don’t you trust us? Will I soon have to show my ID to scan a bunch of bananas? Or do you actually just enjoy the chaos you create? Because even when you do everything right, the system is designed to put you through the wringer for a moment. To make you feel that there’s something wrong with you – even though you get out without a scratch. And yes, I know random checks are necessary, and no, you don’t want thieves in the supermarket. You’re right. But eleven products? Come on, AH. Eleven is just bullying.’

Also read:

• Why some people shouldn’t be allowed to use the self-checkout
• 9 sneaky tricks supermarkets use to make you pay more
• 10 supermarket annoyances – is yours among them?

Iris’ name has been changed for privacy reasons. Her real name is known to the editorial team. Would you also like to share a personal story (anonymously!)? You can email us at info@favorflav.com