Follow etiquette, get those elbows off the table. But why, exactly?
Were you raised with strict rules about what is and isn’t allowed at the table? Sitting up straight, using your knife and fork, keeping your elbows off the table and placing your napkin on your lap: that kind of thing. Where do these rules actually come from? Why aren’t you allowed to lean comfortably on the table?
Do you see etiquette as patronizing, strict rules, or are you glad that you know ‘how it’s done’? The word comes from French. In the fifteenth century, guests at the court of Philip the Good were given the rules for the visit on a small piece of paper, the etiquette. That way, they knew how to behave. The idea: if everyone knows what is expected, no one feels uncomfortable or excluded. Curious whether you know how to behave, then take a look at ‘How Is It Actually Done?’, the 1938 book by Amy Groskamp-ten Have.
Smacking, slurping, spilling, mashing, stuffing
Amy doesn’t mince her words; according to her, none of this is allowed: ‘leaning, nor hanging over the table, not eating with your elbows planted on the table, not eating with your mouth open, not smacking, not slurping, not spilling, never touching food with your fingers, not talking with food in your mouth, not drinking with food in your mouth, not letting food—not even crumbs—fall from your mouth, not taking large bites or hastily stuffing your mouth full, never cutting potatoes with a knife, not playing with the dessert silverware lying above the plate, nor twirling the stem of the wineglass between your fingers, nor rolling little pellets out of bread crumbs, not gesticulating with a fork, knife or spoon in your hand while talking and finally: no mashing! i.e. crushing food with the fork, stirring the resulting substance and stirring it again and finally bringing it to your mouth; nor should one pile one’s plate up sky-high. All of that is contrary to good manners.’ Well, go ahead and try to manage all that.
There goes the applesauce
Why aren’t you allowed to lean on the table with your elbows? According to experts, it has to do with the custom of people once sharing a plate with their neighbor at the table. If you lean on that table with your elbow, the other person can no longer reach it. Antisocial, keeping that plate of food to yourself; that obviously won’t do. Another explanation: tables used to be planks resting on trestles. Anyone who has ever leaned on a beer table knows the challenges of such an unsteady construction. If you lean heavily on the table while people at the other end of the plank stand up, you’ll catapult your entire meal across the room. Hence: don’t lean!
Introduce yourself properly
Then there’s the protocol that you should have a pleasant chat with your table companions. That works best if everyone can look at one another. People leaning forward over their plates, elbow on the table, are like a dam blocking a pleasant conversation: not a word gets through. That’s why Grandma always said: introduce yourself properly to the people sitting next to you, sit up straight, keep your elbows in and chat with everyone.
