‘ICE’ is a super rude habit at the table (but maybe you do it too)
You’ve spent hours slogging away in the kitchen. You’re practically sweating. But you’re done, and you’re pleased with the result. As proud as a peacock, you place the dish on the table for your guests. They all take a bite, but then the Karen at the table says: ”Tasty, but I would have made this with real Parmesan instead of regular grated cheese’.
Bam. Ouch. Thanks, Karen. Was that really necessary? No, invidious comparison eating (or ICE) is never necessary. It’s downright rude, in fact. The other person is being passive-aggressive, indirectly positioning themselves as superior to you. According to them, the dish you’re serving is inferior to their own version. You might secretly think that too… But do you really have to say it out loud?
I’m better than you
ICE has been around for a very long time. In the past, people from higher, wealthier social classes regularly made these kinds of remarks to people from lower socioeconomic classes. In doing so, they wanted to make it clear who the superiors at the table were. Especially nowadays, however, there’s absolutely no need to engage in ICE. Why would you go out of your way to tell someone who has put in the effort that you could really do it better, in such a sneaky way?
Sometimes it’s also a dig, meant to show someone that you might be able to use more luxurious, more expensive ingredients than they can. Yes, maybe you would use fresh cream for this dish. But perhaps the other person has a reason to ‘simply’ choose milk, because cream is just too expensive. You can’t look into everyone’s wallet, so be mindful of that.
Stop ICE’ing
It’s possible that you ICE someone from time to time too (no, not that student drinking game where you hide a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and the person who finds it has to down it). Sometimes you may not even realize you’re doing it. You might mean it as a tip, or perhaps you’re so enthusiastic about your own dish that the comment just slips out. But take a moment to reflect. If you’ve come up with a recipe entirely on your own and someone asks you for it, you’d probably feel a little offended if it turned out they had made all kinds of adjustments. Maybe not so much that you’d burst into tears… But it’s not exactly pleasant. Because wasn’t your original dish good enough?
Let’s keep things pleasant
Look, we already knew that eating with your mouth open and smacking your lips is rude. By now, we’re familiar with the basics of ‘table manners’. Be aware that being polite at the table involves more than that. What you say—consciously or unconsciously—can also ruin the atmosphere. And there are already so many things we find irritating about dinners with friends… Let’s keep things pleasant, people. And make sure the only time you ICE is that one time in your student house, years ago.
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