We Need to Talk About the Bounty in the Celebration Mix

Adeline loves eating, a lot and often, both at home and out. Usually, that goes well, but sometimes it doesn’t. In the series Eddie’s Food Grievances, she shares her bewilderment. This week, she has to get something off her chest about the Bounty in the Celebration Mix.

The Bounty in the Celebration Mix is the person who gets picked last in gym class. You don’t want them, but you have to. I’m allowed to make this comparison, because I was that person on and off. It depended a little on how little I felt like exercising at the time. But everyone knows the image of one of those red boxes containing a blue-and-white-striped leftover. You know it’s going to ruin everything, and yet you eat it anyway.

Grainy Mouthful of Coconut

Research had already made it clear that the Bounty was the least-loved Celebration. I didn’t exactly need research to reach that conclusion, but hey, at least now it’s in black and white. To give all Bounty haters a blissful Christmas, the makers of Celebrations came up with fan-tas-tic news. A Bounty-free box in November and December. Goodness gracious, what a godsend. Unfortunately, they’re only implementing this policy in the United Kingdom, because I could really use a Bounty-free box myself.

Don’t get me wrong. Coconut is delicious as a subtle hint in your curry. Coconut is perfectly fine for baking and roasting. And coconut works wonderfully on dry ends in your hair. But people, let’s be clear once and for all: a mouthful of coconut covered in chocolate is simply inedible. The chocolate fools you, and then a grainy mouthful of coconut emerges. The texture, the taste, everything about this little snack is wrong.

You Can Ditch the Snickers Too

We also all know that the chocolate coating is only there to disguise the coconut inside. No right-minded person would just take a bite of coconut, of course. You’d have to be crazy. Except if you’re a millennial on a trendy Ayurveda diet that requires you to rinse your mouth with coconut (disgusting). I also suspect the Bounty producer had some coconut left over and, after a party got out of hand, came up with the idea of pouring some chocolate over it. Let’s see who thinks this is edible. Something like that.

And I’m probably not making any friends here, but while we’re at it: just ditch the Snickers too. In that format, it’s more nut than chocolate anyway, and if I want to eat nuts, I’ll buy a bowl of them. So, Chief of Celebrations Mix Composition, we’d really like a Bounty-free box, and preferably sooner rather than later.

Also read:

• Eddie’s Food Grievances: when all the dishes arrive at the table at breakneck speed
• Eddie’s Food Grievances: those people who don’t like anything
• Eddie’s Food Grievances: when someone wants to help with cooking