6 of the funniest answers to questions about eating in the car
So, is everyone ‘enjoying’ preparing for the holiday while completely frazzled with stress? In our household, I do get involved in packing sunscreen, tennis rackets and beach towels, but mostly I’m busy with the most important thing of all: what are we going to eat during the 11-hour car ride?
I’m happy to set aside half a day for that, while weekend bags, socks and sunglasses fly around me. Well, I say ‘happy to’, but actually I’m unbearable because I’m also completely stressed: for example, how do I color-code the bread rolls in aluminum foil so it’s immediately clear which ones need to be eaten first because otherwise the mayo will go rancid?
That sort of thing. In short, to get ready, I could really use some comic relief, and luckily I came across this article about eating in the car:
Burning questions
On food platform Bon Appétit, editor Alex Beggs gives uproariously funny answers to questions that may have been made up for the occasion, but are still painfully recognizable. These are the hilarious highlights:
‘How far should you go as a passenger to help the driver eat while driving?’
‘You really can’t go too far, especially when nuggets need to be dipped in honey mustard sauce. When I’m the passenger, I’ll do everything I can to make sure both hands stay on the wheel. Another nugget?’
‘Can I spit cherry pits out the window?’
‘Depends on the direction of the wind, but why not just spit them into an old McDonald’s cup like a hardened hooker who’s seen things that are forever burned onto her retinas? I always play that character when I eat cherries. And at the next gas station, throw that cup in the trash, because cherry pits take an eternity to break down.’
‘Am I the only one who eats sushi with chopsticks while driving?’
‘Absolutely not! Sushi is compact, bite-size, and the soy-sauce-splatter pattern usually blends seamlessly into that of the imitation-leather upholstery.’
‘Are you ever allowed to peel and eat a hard-boiled egg while driving? I’m asking for a friend.’
‘No. Dangerous. Peel the egg before you set off and eat it then, too. That way, you can sprinkle a little salt over each bite. We may think everything has to be efficient, but you don’t always have to multitask. Eat that egg the way it’s meant to be eaten: over the sink.’
‘If you eat in the car, what should your table be? The passenger seat, the dashboard or the center console where the gear stick is?’
‘Say, what kind of roast-chicken extravaganza are you throwing in your car? Your LAP is the table, my friend, so start training those quadriceps because a burrito bowl is on its way. If you really want to go all out, you can order special tables that attach to your steering wheel. They’re practical and a little depressing, just like the job that requires you to eat in your car. Only use them when you’re parked, obviously.’
‘Which food should be banned from the car?’
‘Chipito powder and Chipitos that are on the verge of being crushed into powder should, in my opinion, be banned. But apparently children need to eat to stay alive, so such a ban probably isn’t coming anytime soon.’
[And just to reinforce that final question: are you allowed to throw someone out of the car who absolutely has to eat rice cakes? And which things do you think are too antisocial to eat in public? Hint: that hard-boiled egg. And tuna salad.]
There, I can manage for a little while again. Back to my mise-en-place!
Also read:
- McDonald’s fans share their best MacHacks
- Do you also go completely crazy over aluminum foil that sticks and tears? This trick helps
- Must-have: a fry holder for the car to eat your McDonald’s fries on the go
Source: Bon Appétit
