How to Make the Bartender Your Best Friend
They’re always there for us with delicious drinks, a good bar snack and a wink (and no, that doesn’t mean they’re hitting on you). Can we do something in return for that unwavering positive energy? We asked bartenders (and the occasional female bartender): what would really make you happy?
Just mop it up, thank you
“It happens, right? That your gin tonics don’t agree with you, or that you’ve had one white wine too many? But don’t make a mess. If the tequila wants to come back up or your beer is talking back, make a run for the restroom. Leave everything neat and tidy there; those paper towels next to the sink are very useful for that, or ask the bar for a bucket of soapy water and a mop. And then go home.”
Tip like a boss—but don’t overdo it
“Sometimes you simply can’t believe what you see staggering in here. Two Japanese men who were already pretty drunk ordered two beers at the bar and downed them in three sips. The bill, please! I got five ten-euro notes and ‘keep the change.’ Yes, and then what? Far too much tip, of course, but on the other hand, it was nice—I wasn’t earning that much at the time. A matter of conscience. I kept one and neatly gave the rest back. ‘Thank you very much,’ and they bowed their way out of the place.”
“Sometimes customers say, ‘Have one on me.’ It’s a kind gesture, but I don’t drink alcohol while I’m working. Rewarding a bartender with a drink is like trying to make the greengrocer happy with a banana. If you really want to do us a favor, just leave a good tip.”
Put something in your stomach
“Those groups that start around happy hour and keep drinking well past dinner—we watch them wilt drink by drink like a bunch of cheap tulips. So my tip: order something to eat in time, some bar snacks or a portion of cheese or something. And don’t be as ridiculous as the couple the other day, who slurped down ten packets of mustard one after another.”
Do. Not. Touch.
“Snapping your fingers when you want to order? Please, act normally. You can wait a long time before I pour you anything. The same goes for whistling, waving money around and shouting, ‘Hey, heeeeeey, heeeeeeee, you!’ Just wait a moment—I’ve seen you and I’ll be with you shortly. Eye contact really is enough. The absolute worst: touching my hand to get my attention while I’m pouring a beer. Do! Not! Touch! Me!”
Don’t get your dates drunk
“At the grand café where I work, quite a few people meet up with their Tinder dates. Great entertainment, because within a few minutes we already know whether it’s going anywhere or not. We’ve seen the same exit excuse from one guy at least three times: he goes outside to make an urgent phone call, comes back in and says to his date, ‘Sorry, emergency, I have to leave now.’ Apparently it works well. What doesn’t work: asking me to make her cocktail extra strong so you can score tonight. Um, no, sorry.”
A little patience, please
“Some people are incredibly impatient. Bloody annoying. You can see that the entire bar is packed, that I’m running around sweating and that we simply can’t go any faster, can’t you? Please be patient, and otherwise you can just go home. There’s probably no line in front of your own refrigerator.”
Don’t act as if I’m stupid
“I worked behind the bar for five years, right in the heart of Amsterdam. Great times. What increasingly annoyed me was people acting as if you’re not quite right in the head because you work in hospitality. I’m not stupid, and neither were my colleagues. A little respect would be nice. Especially those real-estate-agent types who hang around the bar in their suits and think they can treat everyone like a doormat—they really got on my nerves.”
Don’t put your phone on the bar
“Beer mats and napkins are meant for putting your drink on and wiping your mouth, not as a safe bed for your phone. Because sometimes, dear guests, things do get knocked over. A tray full of pints, for example. And if your new thousand-dollar iPhone X drowns in it, then I think that’s kind of your own stupid fault.”
No more beer? Go home
“If someone is too drunk and obnoxious, we stop serving them. We agreed on that as a whole team. It all has to remain enjoyable, including for the other guests. The other day, a man got down on his knees, hands clasped in a pleading gesture, asking if he couldn’t have just one more… Embarrassing, right? We can still offer a cup of coffee or a glass of water, but to be clear: if we stop pouring drinks for you, we want you to pay up and go home.”
No self-service
“I couldn’t believe my eyes, but someone actually tried to take the bucket of ice cubes from behind the bar. The entire bucket! You really think: WTF? It happens more often that people help themselves to a slice of lemon, a bowl of bar nuts or a stirrer. Sometimes they even try to steal bottles. I always put a stop to it immediately: keep your filthy fingers out of my little bar—I’ll sort it out for you.”
As if I would flirt with your girlfriend
“Last night I had an argument with a guy because I had supposedly been flirting with his girlfriend. To begin with: I had no idea which girl was his girlfriend. Secondly, being friendly to guests is simply my job. Tips make my salary worthwhile, which is why I have to be a bit sociable. And finally: as a bartender, I really don’t lack attention from attractive women, so you can keep your girlfriend.”
Read also:
- You don’t have an allergy, you’re just being a pain
- The eight best cocktail bars in the country
- How to be a dream guest in any restaurant
