Thirsty tales

Bartenders warn: ‘Don’t order these drinks!’

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Keeping the bartender on your side is always a good idea. How to permanently ruin the everlasting, deep friendship between you and the bartender? By ordering one of the following cocktails.

Foto van culinair journalist Jeske van Steen

And yes, that may mean you have to choose a new favorite cocktail. My beloved Pornstar Martini is—OMG YES— not on the list. Will you also escape unscathed, or can you shake it with your favorite cocktail?

Espresso Martini

We’ve already written an entire article about it: according to bartenders, the Espresso Martini is the most annoying cocktail there is. I think a lot of ‘esma lovers’ will shed a tear over that. Because the cocktail is still hugely popular. Why do bartenders hate it so much? It takes a lot of time to make. If you want to do it really well, you need freshly brewed espresso, and bartenders don’t always have that on hand. Plus, you have to shake it vigorously. If you’re unlucky, the shaker comes loose and you end up covered in an alcohol-and-coffee mixture. No, this esma craze really needs to end.

Mojito

In summer, we all seem to turn into mojito maniacs. The refreshing cocktail with rum, lime juice and mint seems almost impossible to keep in stock. There are also dozens of mojito recipes, from watermelon mojito popsicles to coffee mojitos. The cocktail has even inspired candy and soft-drink brands, which also count children among their biggest consumers. Do you still know DubbelFrisss with Strawberry Mojito and Autodrop with mojito flavor?! Bartenders think we should take a break from this mojito madness. Especially in bars. According to them, mojitos are genuinely difficult to make. They have to find the perfect ratio of ingredients, stir everything together the right way and create a beautiful balance. That’s simply not doable during the cocktail rush. So do them a favor and order something else.

Pina Colada

If you like Pina Colada… then you’d better tone down that love a little, according to the bartender. This is also a cocktail that’s incredibly difficult to shake. It involves a blender, you have to find the right mix of coconut milk, pineapple juice and rum, and it simply always creates a huge mess at the bar. No, don’t expect a tropical smile when you order this cocktail at the bar.

Long Island Ice Tea

I would never, ever order a Long Island Ice Tea myself. YUCK, it’s so bitter. But hey, tastes differ. And at least it gets you drunk pretty quickly. According to bartenders, though, it’s quite complex to make, with a whole lot of ingredients—around five or six types of alcohol! Now you understand why it goes straight to your head so quickly. A Long Island Ice Tea takes a lot of time, and bartenders simply don’t appreciate that on a busy night.

Margarita

Bartenders are more or less okay with a ‘regular’ Margarita, but ask for the frozen version… Then you can expect some angry looks. The blender has to be conjured up from somewhere again, and bartenders already find that annoying. On top of that, it causes noise, mess and hassle, and takes a lot of time to make. The queue behind you won’t be very happy about that either. Why not make one at home, then you can decide for yourself whether the bartender is right.

Ramos Gin Fizz

Did you know that this cocktail was already being enjoyed in 1888? A true classic. But according to bartenders, it’s one that can now be placed in the cocktail history book as a historic high point. It’s a creamy, sweet cocktail with a citrusy tang. The creaminess comes from perfectly shaken egg whites and cream. That’s more difficult and time-consuming than you might think, which is why bartenders get pretty nervous about it during busy periods.

Cocktails with expensive, rare ingredients

Some bars have cocktails featuring the most exclusive ingredients on their menus. Ingredients that are expensive and difficult for the bar to source. Fantastic for the true cocktail connoisseur! But if you’re still a virgin when it comes to cocktails and have no idea what you’re actually ordering… Order a small version, a kind of taster. That’s the perfect way to discover new, exclusive cocktails.

Complicated or unclear cocktails

As mentioned: there are cocktail bars where shaking and stirring have been elevated to a true art form. Where they’re happy to show you their skills. But we’re talking about top-notch cocktail bars here. Are you in an ordinary bar where the bartender has to nervously search for the recipe when you order a cocktail? Just cancel your order. Such cocktails aren’t suitable for those kinds of bars.

‘Surprise me’ cocktails

Don’t tell a bartender ‘they can surprise you’ with a non-existent cocktail. Especially not when the bar is incredibly busy. The bartender has neither the time nor the inclination for that—unless it’s at one of the best cocktail bars in the world. There, they love being challenged. In that case, do ask whether they’d like to surprise you!

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Source: The Cookist

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