Being insulted by the waiting staff: who’s waiting for that?

When you choose a restaurant, what do you look for? Do you go by online reviews, reviews in a newspaper, or recommendations from friends? Do you ever let yourself be tempted by enthusiastic stories on social media, only to think during the evening, ‘I wish I were spending my hard-earned money somewhere else’? Read on if you want to know what happened to me recently.

This is going to be a long story, just so you know.

Lately, I had been seeing enthusiastic posts on Instagram about a new restaurant opening in Amsterdam-Noord, posted by various professionals whose culinary opinions I hold in high regard. An added advantage: it was a ten-minute bike ride from my house and easy for my companions to reach too, so I rubbed my hands with anticipation and made a reservation. This was bound to be a great evening!

Pie chart of the evening

I can say right away: that was partly true. It applied to the part of the evening’s pie chart occupied by the loveliest waitress with the beautiful birthmark, as well as the spacious, industrial yet cozy interior, the white Burgundy wine, the fantastic homemade bread, and the main course of pheasant with a delicious little bratwurst made from the leg meat.

That sausage had a specific name, which I’ve forgotten. And the reason I forgot it is that my mental state at the moment it was served also caused me to forget to take photos of the menu. What had just happened?

Natural wine

While going through the wine list, we already found it difficult that it wasn’t clearly indicated which wines were natural wines and which were not. (The website stated that they served “mainly” natural wines—which would also mean that a small proportion consisted of non-natural, or “conventional,” wines.) I’m not the only one in our group who isn’t an automatic fan of natural wines; our professional wine writer isn’t either. Of course, there are undoubtedly gems among them. Increasingly so, probably, but it remains a niche product.

Barnyard wines

That is, after all, the very nature of natural wine as a product: moving beyond the beaten track of conventional winemaking. When producing natural wine, the aim is to intervene as little as possible in the natural process. This can result in fairly distinctive wines that may be cloudy (because they haven’t been fined and/or filtered) and in which the naturally occurring yeasts are strongly noticeable. Natural wine can sometimes smell of manure or horse sweat—a frequently heard description. This may have to do with poor hygiene during the production process. But not all natural wines are the same, and certainly not all of them suffer from this. Besides, some people like it.

A capital-city phenomenon

Why is natural wine popular in more and more Amsterdam restaurants? (I made some inquiries among highly established wine experts, and they primarily confirmed that this is especially a phenomenon in large cities.) I suspect it’s because what makes these wines special is that they are produced on a small scale, with great respect for nature. That fits with the movement toward eating more consciously and wanting to know where your food comes from. Several restaurateurs I’ve spoken to say that they find these wines pair well with the dishes on their menus. That is of course their prerogative, and filling an entire wine list with them hopefully stems from the best culinary and sustainable intentions.

I really did try

But I’ve personally experienced several times that I didn’t particularly enjoy a natural wine. (For the avoidance of doubt, conventional wine can of course turn out that way too.) I had to work so hard to appreciate the smell and taste that it actually distracted me from what was on my (often expensive) plate. And believe me, when an entire wine café opened on Amsterdam’s Westergasterras in 2015 (De Wijnfabriek, now closed), I was practically banging on the door with enthusiasm: I wanted to be part of this trend! In the seven years that followed, I ordered countless bottles of natural wine at several much-praised restaurants and was almost always open to trying yet another one. Quite often, that was forced, because the restaurant in question had suddenly started serving only natural wine.

The choice isn’t always abundant

And that’s where the shoe pinches for me. There are also countless conventionally produced organic and biodynamic wines that I think are easier for some guests to handle. Would it really kill you as a restaurateur to offer some choice? Just as you might offer a choice between vegetarian dishes and dishes made with organic meat? Sometimes I have an evening when I need comfort, ease, and the emotional equivalent of a warm blanket from my restaurant experience, and I don’t want to work hard to appreciate the wine. It’s important to note that I think it’s wonderful for people who do get wildly enthusiastic about natural wine! Go ahead! You do you!

Absurd situation

Let’s return to this particular restaurant experience. The bizarre part (and I’ll explain why it was bizarre) was that our delightful waitress had already told us that there were a few conventional wines on the wine list, but that the host would explain which ones shortly. So we were actually quite pleased; we just had to figure out which wines they were (because this wasn’t specified on the list).

Then the host came to our table and began talking about the wine list. I said, completely honestly and without the slightest hint of irritation, “I’m not fond of most typical natural wines,” ready for an open conversation about which wines he could recommend to us. To which he replied, “Personally, I think that’s a stupid remark.” Now I’m going to leave a short silence here         because I was genuinely left speechless. I hadn’t been rude, nor had I behaved like an American Karen …

Back to Guest Treatment 101

“A stupid remark”??!! You don’t say that to a guest, do you?! Mind you, I wasn’t asking for an omelet without eggs or ordering sourdough bread after just declaring that I was allergic to gluten. There was every possibility of having a conversation with me about wine; I had merely indicated what I had disliked in the past. And if you’re a host facing someone who is fifteen to twenty years older than you and has clearly eaten out before, you can also assume that this person has been drinking wine for that many more years. I think I was already drinking natural wine when this young man was still drinking Fristi, so after all those years of trying it, I can say what my general preferences are.

Unpleasant experience

And I’ve certainly had my off days in nearly twenty years as a barmaid, waitress, and hostess, but I’ve never made such a mess of things. What followed was a serious conversation and, later that evening as well, extensive apologies from the host. Eventually, a bottle of wine that wasn’t my enthusiastic preference arrived at the table, but I think no one felt like having any further discussions. Because of the unpleasant experience, I was distracted and no longer had any idea what the starter was. We were all rather shaken by the whole incident and had to confirm among ourselves the next day: this really wasn’t okay. For ninety euros per person, we’d had a very strange evening.

Be kind and stand up for yourself

Why am I bothering you with this story? Because I really want you, as a guest—even if you’re somewhere you may need a little time to adjust, or where you think this might be “the point” but don’t feel entirely comfortable—to stand up for yourself when something simply isn’t right. If your wishes aren’t being listened to (especially when they’re far from ridiculous), or if you want to indicate what could make or break the evening for you. I’d like to close with a quote from hospitality and gastronomy great Peter Klosse, which reached me through several channels and may therefore be slightly paraphrased, but comes down to this:

“Taste is not necessarily personal (as is often said). Taste can actually be scientifically studied and determined. But how each person experiences and perceives the taste of something—that is personal.”

PS

I’m deliberately not naming the restaurant. My heart for the hospitality industry is too big for that. I don’t want to cast a shadow over the hard work of all the other people in the front of house and kitchen who worked so hard that evening. Do you really want to know? Then go to FavorFlav’s colophon and email me at the address listed there.

Read also:

• Restaurant guest pretends to be a reviewer to see whether he gets better service
• 17 completely idiotic orders—really, it can get even crazier
• New wine paradise and restaurant opened in Amsterdam: Chateau Amsterdam