Toastie according to your zodiac sign: which toastie is right for you?
Aquarius comes up with all kinds of new toasties, while Aries goes for the classic ham and cheese. The ultimate toastie has to be a pan toastie for Taurus, while Cancer always has something to complain about when it comes to toasties. Which toastie is right for you? That depends on your zodiac sign—just take a look.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
They do want a toastie, but it mustn’t be unhealthy. So just a thin layer of cheese, perhaps 30+ cheese, and then pesto. No ham, because animal cruelty, and certainly no ketchup, because how frivolous! Very healthy indeed, but this way you’re still missing the point of a toastie a little, Capricorns.
Aquarius
January 20 – February 19
Was the apple pie toastie invented by an Aquarius? It wouldn’t surprise anyone, because Aquarians are creative, unpredictable and yes, sometimes a little crazy. They also love the Nutella toastie and recently invented the ragout toastie: a spoonful of veal ragout from a tin between two slices of bread, placed between the toastie iron and baked. It can also be a little too crazy, Aquarius.
Pisces
February 20 – March 20
Naturally, Pisces opts for the Swedish toastie, made with flatbread, white cheese and smoked salmon. A little dill-honey-mustard to dip the toastie into carefully, because Pisces is subtle by nature. Sometimes Pisces takes it a little too far, trying to bake toasties with mackerel, herring or anchovies. Yuck!
Aries
March 21 – April 20
No doubt about it: Aries knows exactly what they like. Thick slices of farmhouse bread, ham and cheese ‘because otherwise it isn’t a real toastie’, a generous dollop of ketchup—but only the real kind, from Heinz—and then that toastie must be cut diagonally the right way, because otherwise Aries isn’t interested anymore.
Taurus
April 21 – May 20
Taurus discovered the pan toastie and improved it. Because according to Taurus, only a toastie baked in a frying pan is worth having. And then they make it with two types of cheese: one that melts well and one for the flavour. Have a different opinion? That means toastie war, because Tauruses are very stubborn.
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Bake a toastie yourself? Who, Gemini? No way. On a café terrace, with a plate underneath and a napkin alongside, no fuss. Just thinking they might have to grate cheese is enough to wear them out. Rosé with it? Why not—we’re here now anyway. And what’s on the toastie doesn’t matter: Gemini has no opinion whatsoever on something so banal.
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
You don’t often come across anyone as picky as Cancer. Is the toastie made with sourdough? And what kind of cheese is on it? Is goat’s cheese also possible? Could the toastie perhaps be served without tomato? And the chutney on the side? Or perhaps a different sauce? It’s a small miracle you’re not on the blacklist of every restaurant because of all your fussing, Cancer.
Leo
July 23 – August 22
Big, bigger, biggest is Leo’s motto. The toastie with Gruyère and red wine sauce seems made for Leo: thick layers of melting blue cheese, with red wine sauce running through them. Greasy fingers, sauce on both cheeks and a huge broad grin, because a delicious, indulgently fatty toastie like that makes Leo genuinely happy.
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
A toastie? Virgo would rather chew their own arm off than order something as disgusting as a toastie. That revolting melted cheese, that vulgar dipping into a bowl of ketchup—no thank you, Virgo is far too refined for that. Don’t be so fancy, Virgo, because we know how it really is: after a sophisticated drinks party or a high-society event, you’re simply standing at home in the evening, flipping an ordinary toastie. Or two. We don’t judge.
Libra
September 23 – October 22
Will it be the chicken tandoori toastie with mango chutney? The caraway cheese and pastrami toastie? Or the French melt, with caramelised onions? Libra can’t decide. Weighing things up, considering every option, and when the decision finally comes, you can see their face fall. If only they had ordered that cheddar and jalapeño toastie after all…
Scorpio
October 23 – November 22
Nature, the environment and acid rain are all important, and Scorpio carries that responsibility through to their choice of toastie. So it’ll be a vegan toastie with hummus and walnut pesto. Good for your karma, Mother Earth and your inner child—and, to everyone’s surprise, delicious too.
Sagittarius
November 23 – December 21
Partypeople in the house tonight! Sagittarius bakes a delicious stack of toasties for all the party animals the day after the night before—they’re such a sociable creature. And the fact that they’re prefab frozen toasties from the wholesaler—because Sagittarius is naturally a bit tight with money—doesn’t matter one bit to anyone with a throbbing hangover. A little Sagittarius beer with it?
